Is the word 'cougar' offensive or empowering?
The "cougar" -- a term applied to women who date younger men -- is now the theme of a new reality series hosted by Vivica A. Fox. In the show, aptly titled "The Cougar," eligible young men compete for the love of a mature mother of four called Stacey. What do you think of the word's definition when it comes to dating?
Why do we need labels at all? Can't we just enjoy love where we find it?
#1 - Wed Apr 22, 2009 3:31 PM EDTI think the segment on SNL has made 'cougars' look ridiculous and desperate, so i don't use that term.
#2 - Wed Apr 22, 2009 3:39 PM EDTThey were only reflecting what society thinks about Cougars, that's why that skit is funny to people. Most people agree that older women being sexual are desperate and ridiculous. Especially when they go after younger guys.
That's where terms like desperately trying to hold on to her youth and mutton dressed as lamb and faded rose and all that come from our attitudes about middle aged woman. You're supposed to shut up, put on them Mom jeans, chop off your hair, and get in the kitchen and start cooking a pie. Leave all that sexy to the 20 year olds. LOL.
Nah it's funny !!! I met my husband when he was 20-i was33......we just got married he just turned23 and i'm 36.....It started out as a fun adventure.....then love.....my sweet cub.....rrrrr
#3 - Wed Apr 22, 2009 4:47 PM EDTHey, if you're an older woman and are hot enough to land a younger man, enjoy the label. It's not like someone is calling you a slut. Get your groove on and enjoy life.
#4 - Wed Apr 22, 2009 5:00 PM EDTUm, actually cougar is a variant on being called a slut. It's a predatory woman seeking out young men for SEX.
What else would a younger man be sought out for? Financial security (read 20 year old with a 50, 60, or 70 year old man), witty conversation (usually there is a lack of world experience)? I am 30 and have always dated older men so this title does not apply to me....yet. As long as both parties are getting fulfillment within the bounds of the relationship that they agree to it is all good and I will not object to the term when the time comes =).
I object to it because it reflects a sexist double standard. Men who date outside of their age group are cool. Women who do are pathologized.
I think it is highly offensive actually. And I believe it was coined to be initially. It is a predatory older woman chasing after men young enough to be her son, that's what it meant in the beginning. Some women have taken over the term and made it empowering to them. But I don't think it is. First of all, why does there even have to be a term for it? That alone sets it apart as being something weird or different. Is there a term for a man like Nicholas Cage or Harris Ford who marry and date women young enough to be their daughters? HELL NO. Because that is seen as Ok by society.
So no, cougar is not empowering. It's just another stupid label to slap on a woman. When a woman can do something a man is free to do without it being a big whoop de doo and having some special label slapped on it, that will be progress.
#5 - Wed Apr 22, 2009 7:38 PM EDTYeah, the same gos for older men wanting younger, sexier woman. A 20-something girl is clueless to financial stability and witty conversation (and don't get me started on their taste in music and movies). Older men love younger women because they look, feel and act younger and sexier! Just the way it is.
As for cougars, most young guys find them kinda pathetic. A small percentage do like 'em a bit older, but most don't. People will continue to use words like cougar whether women find it offensive or not. Deal with it.
LOL. People will continue to label women with stupid terms as long as we live in a sexist society. That much is true. Men rule the world.
I don't think the term "cougar" is offensive or empowering; it's just slang for an older woman who prefers younger men. In other words, it's a little thing called preference. People also take notice when an interracial couple struts their stuff, but there is nothing wrong with, for instance, a white woman being particularly attracted to black men. After all, nowadays, we are free to have sexual preferences without it being deemed "unnatural" or "disgusting." People just love to come up with catchy phrases, and "cougar" is apparently one of them. Who cares?
#6 - Wed Apr 22, 2009 11:02 PM EDTI find it offensive, I didnt ask to be a cougar, believe me when I say I dont want to be a cougar nor do I seek out younger men to date. However, older men, men my age and economic status, continually seek out women far younger than me.
I am 43 and have been told that I look like im in my late 20's early 30's and that is why the younger guys seek me out. But even after explaning that I am old enough to be their Mother the chase continues. So what are we supposed to do, be alone coz we cant get men our own age, or give in to the men who want to be with us.
We are between a rock and a hardplace, be ostracized by our peers and loved ones or play the hand thats dealt to us.
#8 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 3:42 AM EDTI find it offensive, I am not a cougar I am a 43 year old woman, who can pass for much younger so I tend to be approached by younger men. I dont seek them out, nor do I encourage them. But they gravitate to me. Even when I tell them I am old enough to be their Mother this is not a deterent.
So the question becomes what are we "more Mature women" supposed to do, when, Men our own age, older or from the same economic status, wont date us but actually prefer to date women in their 20's, because they find us to much of a challenge?
Believe me when I say, I'd much rather have a man my own age, and yeah when we get older and set in our ways we become picky too, and unwilling to settle, but I may have to give in and become a Woman Who Dates Younger Men. (not a cougar)
#9 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:06 AM EDTMore of a challenge? HA-ha, don't kid yourself, lady. It's because younger gals are usually sexier and act, feel and ARE young. Youth is king, get used to it.
The same applies to older women. there are many out there who prefer a younger man because he is more exciting and does not sit aroung picking lint out of his navel. you get used to it. Younger women want an older man for one thing, MONEY!
One thing I would like to say, at least older women are smart enough to know when we date younger men, we know what they are dating us for, and are ok with it, men on the other hand, who date younger women are dumb enough to think these girls love them for who they are, not what they have. Or they are aware of being used, and don't care, because they can brag to their buddies about the younger woman they parade around.
#10 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:23 AM EDToh i have been attacked by a cougar many times// Go out for a drink and before you know it you are being knawed on by a vodka drinking woman looking to feel better about herself. When vodka or gin cant make you feel good in the shorts look for something that will. so long as nobody gets hurt and the field is clear of the unexpected all is good. heck if it is good for men then it should be good for the ladies too...
#11 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:14 PM EDTI think labels for people in general, are offensive, though perhaps not obvious. They mask individualization and using them really just seems like a lazy generalized method of describing people.
#12 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:41 PM EDTI married a guy 17 yrs younger before the cougar connotation. We were probably the only ones who DIDN'T notice the age difference. That part of my life lasted 10 years, he simply was overwhelmed by instant family responsibility; but were it just he and I things would have been different.
#13 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:05 PM EDTI think it is very offsensive. I don't agree with dating a much younger person than myself but if you have something in common and fall in love with that person then who am I to judge. So no one else should be judging either. As far as the show goes I think most reality shows are crude and crappy.
#14 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 5:42 PM EDToh please ! i'm 31 yrs old and all i ever seem to attract is younger men. Don't know why.. I dont chase them and I'm most definitly not a predator or even looking for them. Young men love to pursue older women. so does that make me a cougar? I don't really care about labels, but clearly there are women out there who have no idea how the "younger man" relationships often start.
#15 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 6:52 PM EDTYou're not a cougar. You're just a 31-year-old woman that is a magnet for men who are younger than you are.
38 dating a 28. I don't really think that constitutes a cougar. I was a little bit weird about the age thing at first. I had never considered it before. Just happened. We get along great and have so much fun. It really changed the way I look about age. Nice thing.
#16 - Thu Apr 23, 2009 10:36 PM EDTSo true. Recently divorced and had been married since 19. Yikes....I know. No idea about the dating scene and guys these days. Ya just get clueless after so many years as obvious!! I should go now huh. Take care.
Age difference! BIG DEAL! What's so different between a woman dating a younger guy and a man dating a younger woman? If you are adolescents it IS a BIG deal, but when you are mature men and women? Come on! My husband happens to be 22 years older than I am and we've been married for 29 years. That doesn't mean that if he passes before I do, I can't (or won't) look for someone younger the next time around.
ESPECIALLY since women generally live longer than men! I like being married I don't want to be left alone again the secong time!
Also, why the name calling? COUGARS?!? What's that got to do with anything?
#17 - Sat Apr 25, 2009 9:02 AM EDTThere absolutely is a term for men who date younger women... (sugar-daddies)
I generally disagree with all labeling but not enough to get offended by it.
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As a 30-something woman who has always dated much younger men, it doesn't bother me in the least. I think it's amusing.