Yeah, emotionally cheating. Do you talk with your husband every night like you talk with this guy. Does your husband know that you talk with this guy. If your answer is no then you have a huge problem and should STOP right now. I have been married for 5 years and have two kids. I know it is not easy sometimes, but this is how it starts. My husband was talking with an ex on FB and I had to confront him regarding it. When he includes me about people from his past and shows me their families, no problem. Soon as he didn't with one ex, we had a problem. remember that your family comes first.

Grace, I have to chat on this one simply because I have experienced it from the other side. My wife used to do business with a banker for her company. It started out as just a business relationship, but started to turn emotional. He started with silly posts and e-mails that I considered dumb and non-threatening. As time went on it started to develop into a serious problem. He started to send romantic e-mails asking her opinion using his wife as an example. Pretty soon the opinions were directed straight at her. In the end my wife had a year long emotional affair with this person. She lived with me, but flirted, talked, and desired more from this person. They never met in person, but I still consider this cheating. Cheating is not just physical. It is emotional as well. The fact that you do not see a problem with this type of communication concerns me. I guarantee he has not told his wife about you, so what are you hoping for? This will progress into something physical if you continue. Just remember ladies out there, it is easy to be someone else on-line. People can make comments, flirt, or side with you just to get a certain response, but their motives are not good. If he is cheating with you on-line he will cheat on you later in the relationship. For all you know he has many different relationships going on at the same time. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is this. If you are dealing with someone for motives other than just working or socializing you are CHEATING!!!!!! Just put yourselves in the other person's place and ask yourself,"would I be upset if this was being done to me"?

I believe that anything that is kept from your spouse is wrong, and can only lead to harm the one you love and can be the beggining of something more than just what you are doing now. I never thought I would ask anyone for there number then it happens then I never thought I would actually call then I did then I never thought I would meet them anywhere just for a coffee and then it's another meeting and another then they occupy your thought and mind and steal your heart and before you know it you kiss then meet again to confirm the sexual urges you've built then you've crossed the line that you cant take back? When the newness and passion are gone you are back to the same stage you where in with your true loved one and wished you had spent that energy on making your relationship stronger and more unconditional. It hurts your spouse or loved one and ruins families and it brings shame to your charactor? The grass is never greener on the other side long enough to be glad it's yours it will turn as yellow as yours and then it's too late, if your lucky your loved one may forgive you but the worst part is that they will never forget and this will stay with you forever!

I hope this helps at least one person to avoid the pain that I have been through!

Thank you K, P & J for your thoughtful comments. And thank you for not judging me.

Only god will judge you but I would not be doing my job as a christian if I didnt share with you that what has happened is wrong and that only god can redeem you of your sin. No one is perfect, but you can be perfect in gods eyes if you ask him to forgive you and ask him to be your example for how to live your life! Read the bible it's truelly a life map try the NIV version its simple english version. Very helpful I will keep you in my prayers! God bless

yes and you know it how would you like it if your husband was doing this with another woman

I'm not sure that we will ever meet...that's what's so "amazing" about our chats...we haven't dwelt on the obvious...you know... about when, where and how we will meet, since it's not that important to us. Yes, I know what he looks like as his business website is a public one and shows his photo...he is genuine, since he wouldn't put his business reputation at risk if he wasn't. And no, he is not a Brad Pitt lookalike, so "good" looks are not the attraction for me.

Agree, it is somewhat risky for my marriage.

Thank you for your concern...I do appreciate it.

The bottom line is you are taking an emotional part of your marriage away from your husband and giving it to this other guy. You probably don't realize it but chances are your behavior has changed around your husband, maybe you are acting more distant. Ask yourself what you are getting out of your email relationship. And ask yourself what he is getting out of it. Now ask yourself if what you are doing is fair to your husband and your marriage. Maybe all you want from this guy is a friend, but I'm betting "friends" is not his ultimate goal. Yes, I've been on the other side, and I'll tell you it's pretty painful to find out about a spouses secret opposite sex "friend." You are playing with fire, and trust is something that is very, very hard to build back once it has been broken.

Just so you know you're not alone, my husband has done something similar. He used to see videos on YouTube and then email the individuals asking for more revealing (i.e., pornographic) videos or pictures and they'd send stuff back. It really hurt me b/c he was asking other people for things I'd offered to do/give to him myself. The reason I was able to get over it is because it was not an emotional thing. He never talked with the individuals it was just a means to get free porn. He did end up apologizing and never did it again but I understand your concern.

She knew he was coming to town, wanted to hook up with him, and by being on a "break" justified it in her mind. She'd cheat on you in a SECOND. Run. Far & fast. Away. From. Her.

She must have watched Friends. What a lame excuse!!!

haha yeah kinda hard to get away when you work for her father so she knows where you are 8 hours a day 5 days a week but is ok come september ill be in basic and not have to see her again...and she actually got angry at me for bein mad about it.

The getting mad is a sure sign of a cheater. If she can't see how that would hurt you, that's a problem. Because if she was truly innocent and hurt you by accident, she would be more concerned about accidentally hurting you than protesting her innocence. At best, she's screwed up and doesn't know what she wants (is she still carrying a torch for this ex? seems like it) and you should leave her so she can figure that out and not hurt you in the process. At worst, she's an incredibly selfish, manipulative person who does not care about you and never will.

well... take your own "break" if it makes you feel better. lol. That happened to me kind of except I have reason to (and do) believe my gf is truly sorry. I have never had an opportunity to take my own "break" but often times want to use it as an excuse for being flirty. It is about then that I realize that nothing good will come of it for me, and I sigh and move on despite my will to see what other girls are like.

I say run, run fast and run far. If he still thinks that he needs those other women then he reallt isn't that into you. He is one of those men that need more attention and can not be satisified with one. There are plenty of men out there and one that will treat you right, YOU deserve it.

He's CHEATING! No if ands or buts about it. Like darkcrystal said, run fast and run far. You deserve better.

Run while you can. I have been married for 12 years and while we were dating I found letters from another girl he told me it was nothing and I took him back...after 12 years I come and find out that he has other kids from different girls and that he has cheated on me throughout our marriage. RUN....IT IS NEVER GOOD

I don't think anyone could have said it better, and I totally agree and say from experience that you are correct. Several months ago my husband found out about multiple men I'd been "interacting" with online (namely online games) over the course of two years and I blamed his treatment of me for my actions. In time I came to see that those were merely excuses and that the real issue was my lack of self esteem and that I had been allowing these men (one of whom was married also) to use me for their own selfish pleasure or a temporary fix to lonliness or some other hurt. The latter is what I was guilty of myself. I know it must have hurt my husband after he found out, but he remained amazingly patient and although he didnt excuse me, he forgave and has been making an effort to avoid doing the things that were making me miserable in our marriage. I took responsibilty for my actions and admitted that it was betrayal and closed down both of my online game accounts. Compared to saving my marriage and earning my husband's trust back, giving up my silly online video games is a very small price to pay.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Cheating isn't only physical, you're emotionally cheating on your husband. How about you tell your husband what you just admitted on here? I bet that wouldn't go over very well.

You won't say a thing to him, though, because you know what you're doing is wrong. Coward.

I feel like I am in the same boat... My husband knows that I chat & text with my ex but when he came to town last month I met with him but went out of my way to lie to my husband about where I was on two different days. Since we've started communicating again my relationship with my husband has actually improved! I still feel guilty though.....

I agree with The Ma-791571. I've been on the other end of a texting relationship and it's not fun to be lied to in that regard. It IS emotional cheating! If you really care about your husband you need to stop texting your ex-lover or end the marriage. That's not fair to your husband.

I always wonder in all of these situations, How would I feel if my husband were doing the same thing that I was? Would I consider that cheating? Would I be upset? If the answer is yes then don't do it!

The part that kills me is that my husband has done this and it nearly killed our marriage but I still got sucked into it!

Classic situation of "would you do it if your husband/boyfriend was right there and new every single detail?" If the answer is no, you're cheating. If the answer is yes, you're either not cheating or your relationship is over.

Honey I am in your exact same position and understand how you're feeling. I've been happier since texting my ex love. I honestly was thinking of leaving my hubby to be with this other man but I love him too much.

All of you who are messing around, grow up, and if you can't respect yourselves at least respect your partners enough to be honest with them. Obviously you are not cut out for monogamy. I hope each of you gets what you deserve.

Don't you feel even a little gross about that? Especially considering how easy it would be to get physical with him since he's an ex lover? Adultery never "just happens", it starts with a thought, then an idea, and then you begin liking and entertaining that idea, and before you know it, you're fantasizing about someone other than the person you married, and everyone knows where that will eventually go if the opportunity ever presents itself. You're basically playing with fire and passing it off by saying, "Well I've never been burned so therefore I'm not stupid and what I'm doing isn't dangerous." I nearly went down that road but I'm glad I took the advice of loved ones to heart and grew up before I lost a very good man.

If he was truly sorry for what he did, there would have been repentance and admitting of wrong doing, and he would have cut it off immediately. Nothing about it sounds right, and you already know in your heart what was going on in the car that night. I definately would not marry him or even continue in a relationship with him if he has not expressed regret or admitted the truth. And even if she did kiss him, then wtf is he doing still calling her and texting her after that? If he was truly committed to you, he would have been offended by such an inappropriate gesture and would only have needed to talk to her one more time, to say "I have a girl friend and what you did was wrong. GOODBYE." You two need to have a serious talk and if his attitude is still the same afterwards, my advice to you would be to walk away and let him milk some other cow for free.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but go ahead and have the affair! Just divorce your husband first; at the age of 54, you've still got many good years ahead of you; do you really want to spend them with someone who doesn't cherish the ground you walk on? Every woman deserves a devoted husband.

I agree, every good woman deserves a devoted and adoring husband but I think this is where you should ask yourself if it's truly worth it. Is your husband really such a creep that you could actually go ahead and pursue this other man with no guilt? Believe me when I say I know having this man in your life makes you feel better about yourself, but if your spouse truly does take you for granted and there's something important missing with him, then for goodness sakes...why are you still married to him? Doing the right thing will make you feel better than having an affair, even if it doesn't seem like it at first.

but the point is that you said you still loved her.

Your wife has the right to be angry. just keep reminding her that she's the only one for you now.

Your wife over reacted, but good for you for being willing to make sacrifices and go to counseling to console her and maintain your marriage.

The reason your wife is upset is because you shared personal, intimate information with an ex, not to mention the attention you focused on the past. Your priority should be your future, and the present you have worked hard to build with your wife. You clueless dolt, how would you feel if your wife hooked up with an ex, and discussed with him the things you do in bed, the size of your member etc

That wasn't cheating. She over reacted and has used it against you ever since. You hadn't even spoken to the other person in 24 years! It's been my personal experience those who accuse others the most are the most guilty of the crime. i.e. sounds like she might have done something that she's hiding and feels guilty about.

You "still love her"? Ouch. That should never have come out, and she has good reason to be upset and even jealous, even if you were not neccessarily cheating.

Often times it seems that we never stop loving our 'first'. Although we may have all sorts of relationships since then, and one that we eventually try to settle into, there will always be something there with the first person we connect with that will not be there with the others, and that same something will eventually fade away in the event that we decide to get back together with our 'first' love. The only thing you can really do is talk with them about it and awe in nostalgia about what used to be and how you wish you could go back to those days.

Don't be bothered by it. It sounds like he was overly insecure. I am aware that I am slightly paranoid, but I let my girlfriend hang out with whoever she chooses. I laugh at my use of the word "let", as if I have some authority over what she does. lol. Every person has their own free will, and if you do not let them pursue it, you do not truly appreciate them for who they are.

How is cheating necessary!?! You totally screwed your ex husband behind his back..

What I don't understand is... If people are unhappy with their current relationships.. and find interest in someone else instead.. WHY don't they break off their current relationships before starting something with the new person?

i agree with sseleman cheating is never right, there is no exuse, we're not cavemen are we?

if youre in a relationship its called sommitment, look it up in the dictionary!

besides if you cheated on yer husband with this new man, why are you so sure this new man isnt gonna cheat on you!?

I agree with sseleman. The only reason anyone would cheat is because they don't know what they want and don't deserve either relationship, or because they are too cowardly to end their current relationship for their new one.

I agree with both sseleman and beanybaby! I was just recently cheated on by my husband and he tried to use the same excuse. There is no excuse for cheating! if you are unhappy with your marriage then you need to get out of it BEFORE you start anything with someone else. I have no respect for anyone that cheats on a spouse.

I think the answer is that they're cowards. They don't want to lose their current relationship until they have another one to slide into. People like this don't have integrity nor honor. They're selfish and only care about themselves. If you're in a bad relationship, the honorable thing to do is to end it. Not cheat, lie, etc.--you just lose your self-respect and dignity by acting that way. Absent extreme circumstances like physical abuse where you're literally scared for you life if you leave, there really is no justification for your behavior. You do what's easiest for you at the expense of your partner. You do the dishonorable thing, but they have to heal the damage of your dishonor (learn to trust someone else again, learn to trust themselves again, fear of intimacy/loving another). You give them all those wounds when you do such things.

*commitment

i was used like that i was with a girl for almost 2 years. In that time i introduced her to friends of mine at home and afar at the end what happened was i found out from her best friend who was like a sister to me that she had used me in the end and got with one of my friends and that they had been engaged for 5 weeks. Of course she is happy and has no regrets and doesnt feel bad for have using me like she did. Ever since im scared to love another scared to share myself with them even a kiss on the cheek is frightening. I dont want to be hurt like that ever again. Alot of time and over 3 counselors later and I have still not recovered and we werent even married but had talked of such things.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. You'd better watch him, and I hope he's watching you

I can still respect a person who has cheated because I have done so myself, even though it was emotionally and not physically. However, it's hard to respect or even understand someone who says cheating can be a good thing. It never is, the only reason YOU think it's a good thing is because you're in your own little world and probably too selfish to even consider the world of hurt your ex has been living in. Give it some more time honey...that blissful life with your new lover will undoubtedly be very short lived indeed.

"I wish I could make you feel better" is a sentiment from one friend to another - but "I love you" is certainly a message that would make a spouse suspicious. As to the vacation - you're kidding, right? It's not overreacting to object to your wife going on vacation with some guy that sends her 'short but sweet' messages like, "I love you".

I may have grey areas in my relationship...but even I know that you're crossing the line.

You feel guilty because you're emotionally cheating on him. You're really in a very grey area and if you didn't feel guilty it'd be much harder to say you're cheating since you're not hiding anything from your husband currently. Your guilt speaks volumes. Listen to it so things don't progress with Rob.

How would you feel if the role was reversed? That is the most important question a person can ask themselves when in a situation they are not sure about. Marriage is honesty, loyalty, trust, etc. How can a marriage survive without those things? That is what I ask myself everyday. How do I get through day by day knowing that I can't trust him and that he is not loyal or honest with me? Marriage is the 1st and foremost priority for ME. It wasn't for him because he let his emotions take over. If I did that I would not be married!

The same thing is happening to me. I just try to be "zen" about it, and hope that everything happens for a reason. I think if you continue to see Rob only when your husband's around, you'll be OK.

If you dont stop seeing your "friend" you only set yourself up for failure in your marriage. You need to concentrate on your marriage and putting the spark back into it. Just because you have been married for 5 years does not mean that the relationship has to be monotonous. Find ways to be sexy and romantic together. Start each day with a kiss (minimum 10 seconds - that is a long time, count it next time), send each other sexy notes or texts, find things about him that you like and compliment him on them every day. If you put your effort into your man, you will be amazed how the other guy fades into the back ground. Most of all tell your husband that you feel like a suburban house wife and need _____— from him. Honesty is key all the way around. If you do not terminate your friendship for the sake of your marriage, you have made the choice that this guy is more important than your husband and have put a huge chasm in your marriage. Good luck. It can be extremely hard to terminate an emotional relationship, but like everything gets easier with time and you ultimately will be happier putting your efforts where they should be.

Your marriage won't survive unless you learn to stick up for yourself and your wife learns to mellow out. Get counseling quick.

That sounds exactly like my marriage used to be...he treated me like I wasnt there half the time, I got lonely and started talking to guys, most of whom were friends, but twice it got out of hand and started to become more. It hurt to have to cut off the last relationship since it seemed the most meaningful, but it was at least the right thing to do, and fortunately my husband changed and I started seeing an honest effort on his part to treat me like his soul mate. If there was never any change in your wife, then your marriage was doomed anyway, but that doesn't excuse carrying on like you were single when you were still married.

Unless he's a working gigolo, it's not likely that his job description includes "sexual banter." Dump him.