if you love them whatever it is they do should be music to your ears. We always sleep together. LOL, where earplugs.

The CPAP machine for my husband actually lulls me to sleep. I sleep better because he's sleeping better and not endangering himself.

My parents slept in separate bedrooms for years given their vastly different work schedules.

I have long felt that a married couple should ideally sleep in one of two different bedrooms, adjacent to each other and perhaps sharing a common vestibule so the door to the hallway may be secured but the couple could pass back and forth between the rooms with ease.

The idea is that each partner has their own space, to decorate and occupy in whatever way suits them best. As to which bed the couple chooses to sleep in, that's to be determined on a nightly basis. It wouldn't be all that different from when the couple was dating, his 'place' or hers, but if someone was sick or something else was going on, no one would have to sleep on the sofa. It used to be that the bedroom was often 'hers' and the man of the house had the garage and/or his workshop in the basement. Quite often men don't have that anymore, and consequently the man often feels left out since the bedroom tends to be the wife's space as far as the decorum goes.

If good fences make good neighbors, each partner in a marriage having their own personal space where they can maintain a sense of their own identity does a lot to keep the marriage from getting stale and either one from feeling like the lesser of the pair.

My husband has a CPAP machine. It is a wonderful thing. Brought me back to bed.

To Glenn Davis, if you think any sound should be music to ours ears you have never slept with my husband:) Ear plugs did not touch the noise.

Seriously, if you have that attitude you have no idea what it is like to be a light sleeper and try to sleep with someone who snores like a freight train.

At some point you become angry at him for something he isn't trying to do. Either you have to fix the problem or move somewhere to get some sleep.

We have been married for 30 years, and I did not like sleeping in another room, but until he realized he had to do something,I could not stay. He could not afford for me to wake him all night and I could not afford to be woken up dozens of times each night.

After the sleep study my husband found he was waking over 100 times per night and not breathing for up to 60 seconds at a time. Snoring is a serious problem. If you can afford a sleep study, it can save your life and your marriage bed!

I too snored loudly and once the VA did my sleep study and found that I stopped breathing they put me on a CPAP and my wife loved it she also is lulled to sleep by my machine and me sleeping I seriously cannot sleep without her by my side at night when I would go out of town with my old job and now when she goes over to her family's I cannot sleep good if she is not there beside me! my parents and my grandparents still and did sleep together not to mention in the winter months it's fun to cuddle and stay warm together

I grew up in a 3 bedroom house with 3 boys and girl. The girl had her own bedroom, leaving us 3 boys to share a room for many years.

I wonder if they took into account the fact that many couples today were raised in small families and always had their own bedroom and never learned how to share that particular space.

if you love them whatever it is they do should be music to your ears. We always sleep together. LOL, where earplugs.

Earplugs do NOT work. My husband snores so loudly. He could snore standing on his head! I'd end up awake for hours and sleeping in short little amounts. After years of getting up and going to my daughter's old room, my husband just told me to not bother trying to sleep with him. Why? Because he loves me and wants me to sleep well.

Diffferent strokes for different folks. Some sleep together and others sleep better apart. Just go with what works best with your relationship. Sleeping apart doesn't mean you love them less.

How do you people do it?

I live alone, and one thing I can't imagine would be having to sleep with someone in the same bed. Ugh. Never a time to simply be alone, have some peace and quiet and privacy? I just can't imagine.

I'm good for about 2 hours per day of other people around me. Maybe 3, if my closest friends. After that, I'm done.

With all this commotion, it's no wonder the bed has become such an unappealing place to sleep. Between whining kids, buzzing BlackBerrys, stacks of unpaid bills and overturned bottles of Evian and Ambien, the bedroom has become more crowded than the kitchen. If my house is any indication ("You get up early with the kids on Monday, I'll move the car on Tuesday"), my bed needs its own Outlook calendar.

Those that make the decision to procreate have to deal with the consequences. Those that do not, sleep in when ever they want to. If your children are destroying your life, you have other problems besides sleeping in different beds.

I have a room to myself, as does my wife. No kids either, but we do share a bed room. When she travels I sleep like crap, couldn't imagine doing that every night.

Maybe thats the key, no kids, we're both in good shape so no apnea and excessive snoring, and we have our own space to retreat to.

Not to knock anyone else. Whatever works. My marriage is not the model of "normal" in other areas.

My husband snores and it's kinder of me to sleep in a separate room than to be nudging him all night long in exchange for a few seconds or minutes of silence. I was once reprimanded at work because I was nodding off on the job and that settled it.

I agree with TiGor and thats what I feel personally.. but really its also true that this all boils down to diff strokes for diff folks

two-thirds of American families say they “sometimes” or “always” sleep with a child in their bed.

That's incredibly disturbing but I guess it explains all the grown 28 year old children I see every day with the maturity of a 12 year old.

That's incredibly disturbing but I guess it explains all the grown 28 year old children I see every day with the maturity of a 12 year old.

ok.. whys it disturbing and whats that got to do with immature 28 year olds

I agree with the people who posted the comments that if they wanted to sleep alone they would have stayed single.

@ TiGor-

good fences make good neighbors

I co-exist with my neighbors; I share an intimate relationship with my wife. I want closeness. not separateness. And one of the great benefits of sharing a bedroom is that it encourages keeping short accounts. If there are issues between you , it's difficult to ignore them or put them off if you have to face the other person at the end of the day. I think it helps put things into perspective, and helps you cultivate the relationship.

And I sleep really lousy when we're not together. It's like a part of me is missing. Can't imagine not wanting to sleep together.

ok.. whys it disturbing and whats that got to do with immature 28 year olds

OK, I'll bite on the assumption you really don't know. While this is a huge subject that one could easily write a thesis on (and many have), children who sleep in their parents bed tend to be clingy, needy, less independent and less self-confident. And I'm talking about a regular basis - once every months or so is probably fine. I could continue to extrapolate this out to many of the problems kids seem to have today, from helicopter parents to living at home at 30 to unrealistic workplace expectations, but that's really beyond the scope of a forum response. And that doesn't even include the issues it introduces among the parents themselves. And sure there are exceptions and many opposing viewpoints, this is just one of them. There are a ton of people who can effortlessly rationalize helicopter parenting, letting your 30 year old kid live at home and all that nonsense so getting consensus on even things that are common sense is virtually impossible.

LMAO. A lot of these people that sleep in separate beds are the same one's that biatch and complain about their spouses when they are amongst their peers. They're the one's that have a wandering eye and lusting for someone to fulfill their fantasies! Cracks me up the excuses people come up with NOT to sleep with their spouses. Till death do us part? LMAO

WOW!

DesertRat,

I've actually heard of that. I read a story once about a couple in manhattan who lived on the same floor of their building but had separate apartments. That's how they met. When they decided to get married, they also decided to keep their own apartments and live in them.

My work colligue did something similar. She's an older woman who recently got married for the first time. Her father lives with her and is very ill. Instead of moving him and all their stuff in with her new hubby, she lives with her father during the week and with her husband during the weekend.

Hey, whatever works!

Yep we had 2 custom homes built and we live on the same street spend some nights together but with all my hobbies and cars its easier that way when i like to work at night on my "Toys" she can have her rest. Or if she starts flying around on her broom I make a quick exit to my house!! We are very much in Love!! Works well for us!!!

DesertRat: I think we are talking about people still married........but Ahhhhhhhaaahhhaa

Then what's the point in being married? We sleep in the same bed, in the same bedroom, in the same house and are doing just fine.

I think whatever works for a marriage then so be it. Just because they stay in seperate rooms or even seperate houses does not mean they are not happy or not in love. Marriage is not a "one size fits all" thing and just because you are happy sleeping in the same bed as your spouse/partner does not mean that everyone has to be. Neither way is right or wrong.

i guess im going back to the 'olden' days of Hollywood when people married and lived in separate houses! i would actually enjoy this! and im a woman! i think personal space is a good thing. there are just some times during the month that a woman cannot be around man...and a little mystery is always good for any relationship...

What a concept!

We also have separate Dog Houses!

Have you tried pinching his nose? LOL

I know that sounds weird but if he is a heavy sleeper you can gently pinch his nose closed and that will cause him to adjust his breathing and will stop him from snoring. (That used to work for me)

There are also supposedly sleep aids out there that help people with their snoring.

If all else fails you could try ear plugs.

LOL

Good luck to you both.

That's the way I do it when snoring gets too much (for either of us). Restlessness can also be a problem, and one hard to figure out. Does your spouse / partner get insulted if you move bedrooms in the night If it's a fight, neither of us will give up the main bed! We also tried a king-size and, although I LOVED it, he complains that he felt left out in the cold. Aah well. Do you want sleep or traditional togetherness. Personally togetherness can go blow a whistle - I'm far nastier if I haven't had my 8 hrs and I wouldn't want to know me when I'm sleep deprived.

by the time you squeeze someones nose and get back to sleep you may have been better off to go to the couch because you are already too awake to fall back to sleep quickly!

I never had a problem with it. I'd do it and go right back to sleep smiling and sometimes laughing.

Breath-Right strips actually work(when applied properly). A Sleep Number Bed is a good(but costly) investment for aches and pains. It's great if you like a different hardness of your mattress. Visit a Sleep Number store and try one out. You'll be shaking the couch for change to pay for it but you'll never regret it.

I think being apart altogether in bed is not for me. However, we lay in bed together when we first go to bed. Then when we are ready to go to sleep I go to the other bedroom. I still love laying in my husbands arms and the closeness. We are happy with this arrangement. This way we still get to lay in each others arms and snuggle.

Sorry, my husband has tried Breathe-Right strips and they don't work. I can't imagine trying to sleep with a contraption taped to your nose any more than wearing earplugs, which are sooo uncomfortable, at least for me. And they don't work either. You get most of the noise plus the discomfort of having foreign objects stuck in your ears.

If you can afford it, separate (spelling note to those who write seperate) bedrooms are the way to go. There are plenty of ways to show love for your spouse that don't entail sleeping in the same bed.

We share a California king-sized bed, so it's almost like we have two separate beds in one. My husband's snoring isn't a nightly event, especially since he lost weight, so moving to another room on a permanent basis isn't necessary. It's usually an allergy/sinus issue when his snoring becomes intolerable; Breathe-Right strips are useless for the poor man. As long as I fall asleep first, I can sleep right through most minor snoring.

Been married longer than you, forever, and we haven't slept in the same room for the past 17 years. We find plenty of comfort, peace, and romance when we are awake!

Without a healthy, happy and rested "me" there is no "us".

Ditto!

Guess if I did not want to sleep with the one I vowed to love...I would not have gotten married. I guess I find it odd cause my parents and grandparents still and have always slept in the room and bed... I find it kind of sad actually that so many couples do not sleep together!

Very sad, especially if you use the excuse of wanting your own space etc. when the marriage has gone to a place many do...affection and snuggling is no longer part of the deal..my first marriage this is what happened, but I told myself it was "normal"...this second time around I can not stand being apart from my hubby for one night let alone not sleeping with him, and yes he snores and I wear earpugs sometimes and he rolls over and I just deal with it...

I must agree with Judy. I realize how hard it is to be rested. I do feel guilty when I had a restless nights sleep..which caused my husband to not sleep. But, I wouldn't sleep at all without him though. With todays society being so individualized. example. seperate jobs. seperate incomes. seperate cars. friends etc. To each their own. But, for this one. I had to draw the line.

Reminds me of all the studies that show how even as we live in denser and more connected communities, people are more lonely than ever. Somehow this ability to connect to others is being lost or discarded. I also wonder how much of this is fallout from the 'Me' generation. Who knows. I guess marriage is becoming something less based on true love than it is a simple partnership among roommates but if that's what works for you then go for it.

Oh, give it a rest! Being married does not mean you have become a mindless extension of each other. Getting married did not mean I stopped being my own person with my own. likes and dislikes. I never did like sharing a bed and I have made my peace with the fact that there is no forever after and that each of us is, in the final analysis, alone and destined eventually to be separated by life or death. Intimacy means that you have the dubious privilige to wake up to someone else's bad breath, endure someone's gas, cover hogging, having someone's sweaty body draped over you, different sleeping habits, etc. I am not lulled into the illusion that I am safe by the presence of another warm body in my bed. Lonely isn't a bad thing unless you can't stand your own company.

I can't hear cats when they're outside(some people can't put their's out though). Stick a breath right strip on his nose. My wife puts them on me during the night sometimes.

My hubby has sleep apnea & snores loudly. I've taken to wearing my ipod at night. I've downloaded my favorite mellow tunes and have about 4 hours worth on that playlist. The music actually helps me fall asleep faster as well as blocking the noise. Without it, I can literally lay awake for hours.

for those with snoring partners...I say SLEEP STUDY...find out the cause and eliminate it...very easy actually!

My husband doesn't snore either, but my problem is that 5 years ago he purchased an extra-extra firm mattress. At 90 pounds, I have petite bones with not a lot of meat on them, and it doesn't matter what position I sleep in, my arm, leg, hip, or ear either hurts or falls asleep. If I sleep on my side, my back hurts when I wake up in the morning. I'm often a stomach sleeper, which makes it difficult on the knees and mammo glands. Ouch! Not to mention, I'm getting new wrinkles on the left side of my face from being squashed against the mattress, which doesn't give at all, this when I sleep on my tummy. Mattress toppers have not helped.

I love sleeping with my husband, but at least once a week I sleep on the couch so that I don't experience all of those painful pressure points from a hard mattress, and I can sleep clear through the night without waking up. Next time, it will be a sleep number bed - I've got 5 years to go before that happens......

That is sad...you should look into the sleep number bed.....everyone I know absolutley loves them!

yikes. I might suggest changing that possibly to a definitely if you have that attitude... heh. Seems terrible to force yourself to live under that level of animosity for one's spouse.

Sleeping and showering together (when neither one of us has anywhere we need to be on time) are some of my favorite things about being one half of a couple. Besides, doesn't showering together help to conserve water?

My daughter refers to our guest bedroom as"daddy's room." One day she had a friend over and as they walked past the room she asked her friend, "does your daddy get to have his own room." I couldn't help but laugh.

It's not something we discuss with other couples because we don't think they would understand why this works for us.

I think you'd find that more people understand that you could imagine...and many might decide to take your idea for their home if they are struggling to sleep in the same bed, or are, like some on this board, having to wake up in the middle of the night and trudge over to another room anyway.

I agree. We do sleep in the same bed, but some nights I go on the couch due to his snoring, and my middle of the night bathroom run. :)

Sleep is very important to a lot of things. Health being one, and not being "sleep deprived" makes us all less cranky. There is not enough coffee to get me going if I've only had 3 hours sleep...nightly. To change a phrase "All wakey, and little sleepy, makes Jack a cranky boy". :)

Dont be afraid to share. I beat myself up about it for too long. My husband is a surgeon and his hours are crazy. He can be awake for 2 days when he is busy operating (while he is on call). I want him to have rest when he finally does come home. There are other reasons too... sleep apnea, cover stealing, jerking legs, kicking, etc. I am a light sleeper, so when he starts all that nonsense, I can't sleep. We have been married for 16 yrs and we do what we need to do to make our marriage healthy. We love and respect each other. Just read articles on sleep and quality of sleep and how lack of it can destroy your body. How about an article on how sleeping apart can actually save a marriage? That would be a helpful article for those who struggle with the stigma of "sleeping apart"

There was a study done a while back that confirmed that people sleep deeper and more sound when sleeping alone. Even those same people that said they sleep better with their partners....the EEGs confirmed otherwise.

My husband and I sleep in the same bed in the same room....with 5 dogs. We have separate blankets as he is a cover hog. It also helps that we have a king sized bed which gives us plenty of room. Snuggling can be fun but after being together almost 25 years and married 19 of those, I'd rather a good night's sleep. It's a mistake thinking that sharing a bed is the only way to keep intimacy in the relationship. But you do whatever you have to do to keep the marriage working. He should consider himself lucky...the dogs love to sleep on my side of the bed!

Yah earplugs are not very comfortable.

Exactly- ear plugs suck and do not block out the snoring. I find it funny that the people who have seperate sleeping spaces are not degrading or putting down anyone who sleeps in the same bed, but its not the other way around. Seems like those that sleep in the same bed are putting those who sleep any other way down- neither is right or wrong. I say do what works and to heck with what others think.

Congratulations on your baby!

We sleep separately by choice. We still visit, and it's fun to discover your love is awake the same time as you ...not because you woke each other up by one not sleeping soundly. Then we share those quiet waking moments (usually during the night), especially with our different schedules. We wouldn't have it any other way.

agreed!!!!!

when I am alone I don't even go to our bed... I can't sleep... I stay on the couch watching TV until I fell asleep there. When I am not in the bed with him I only hear "Can you come already I can't sleep with out you!"

Sounds like you or your mate was one of those kids that had to have a 'blanky' or a stuffed animal before they could go to sleep.

I wonder how you all made it when you were single....!

Intimacy has very little to do with physical contact....the primary sexual organ is one's brain (and I'd go so far as to say 'well rested brain').

My wife is my "Blanky" and I am her big stuffed animal but when you find your soul mate and the "1" what you did when you were single is insignificant it's all about being with the one person God choose for you to live the rest of your life with and not being apart from until death! Jet don't you know that?

I agree with you meliketobebadalways...I have found my soulmate and love sleeping with him....every night!!! I am lost when he is away...which fortunately is not very often! Hey jet...maybe you should just be single or stay single!

JET...

You are right we are kids in our late 20's. We have been together for almost 7 years. We were fine as singles... We decided to be TOGETHER and not to have SEPARATE LIVES TOGETHER!!! He uncovers me a lot and I move around but we used to it so much that right now is doesn't even bother us. Do you know what means be loved and love someone? that is the part when you stop being single.

My hubby and I have crazy schedules, he is a morning person who gets up early for work, which allows him to be home early to spend time with me. I on the other hand am an insomniac, and am actually still awake some morning when he gets up for work, after which I sleep until 10am or so. I also tend to want to do crafty things at night so having my own "room" to do stuff is ideal. This room however DOES NOT have a bed and I would never consider purposefully sleeping apart.

I typically go cuddle with him when he goes to bed until he falls asleep, then I will get up and enjoy the night being the owl that I am, then head to bed. The timing of this often works perfectly as I can cuddle again before drifting off to sleep, and before he gets up in the morning.

On the nights we actually share several hours of sleep, there are of course interruptions, his very occasional snoring due to a funny position, or my relentless tossing and turning. When he is snoring and wakes me up I don't get mad, I think its funny to tickle him awake or roll him over. He also has this extremely cute habit of softly moaning or even talking in his sleep, that just fascinates me. When I ask if I do any of that he laughs and says he is so out of it he doesn't notice, yet I have found him to be a very light sleeper. More than likely he is brushing off my annoying habits to make me feel better, what a guy!

One big difference we have with sleep is the firmness of the bed, he likes it hard (no pun intended) and I like it soft, to the point where if you look at it, there is what my hubby calls my "cavern", where the bed sinks in a little and conforms around me. So we got a sleep number bed and now I cannot image even not owning one again. Both of us actually dread traveling for that reason, we would rather be home in our nice comfy bed. The only downside to the sleep number bed is you have to set both sides at the same number or one feels like the are falling over when cuddling. Its no biggie for us, it is a second process and we can cuddle to our hearts content. Sometimes to my chagrin I will fall asleep like that and wake up plenty sore from the hard bed, but perfectly content to be in the arms of the one I love!

I am right there with those who say they cannot sleep when the other is away. We try not to travel apart if at all possible, but when absolutely necessary, we talk on the phone long into the night, and I generally do not get any, or very little sleep until he returns.

Bottom line, it does come down to what works best for you. My hubby is the same as some here that without enough sleep he is grump-y, while I need very little sleep. To get around the need for sleep and still sleep together, there are a lot of options, most already mentioned by someone. It all depends on how commited you are to making sleeping together work. For us if I happen to keep him up later I will in turn got to bed earlier with him or take a nap with him, or in the worst case scenario, take the kids someone so he can take a nap in peace. No matter what the cause or reason we seem to find a way to work around it and spend as much time as humanly possible being physically together, preferably touching in some way, in this crazy hectic world.

I would venture to say that those who do not sleep together probably do not hold hands around the house or in public, cuddle close when watching a movie, etc. We have a special routine and share a kiss every morning before my hubby leaves (morning breath and all), and immediately when he gets home (and I mean a real kiss here not a perfunctory peck) as he has faithfully done every day of our marriage, illness or not, arguments or not, me being asleep or not, and it is not out of habit, it still feels as fresh and full of love as that first morning together and is his special way of showing his love in a small gesture.

But THAT is what works BEST for us :)

I have a suggestion for you. Perform one of those in-house spinal taps and render him quadrapeligic.

Dang that dude has issues!

Thank you. That's it exactly. When and how you sleep says nothing about the marriage itself. It also says nothing about sex. If you can't manage to find your spouse because they're sleeping on the couch or in the "guest" room, then you've got bigger issues IMO.

Have to say I agree with your comment. If you're getting the average 8 hours per night, then that's 8 hours you are unconcious to the presence of your partner. The upside of sleeping together is the convenience of sex. The downside is the sleeping problems generated thereby. As a female, I don't want sex to be "convenient" so there you go.

That is too bad, sorry things are not better for you

It is all sharing ourselves for my wife and I. The sleeping and the sex, and convenient is good for us.

Why would someone NOT want to sleep with their marriage partner? The couch, the dog house, the futon in the living room? Please. We BOTH sleep in the same bed and hug each other as we fall asleep. Because we want to know that we shared intimate time together in case we never wake up! A HUGE reason why people sleep separate is that one or the other is no longer attracted to the other or each other! maybe THAT's the real issue here instead of all the excused I see here.

I love sleeping with my husband because he is "my favorite heater", especially in winter! I just wish our mattress didn't feel like concrete......

Im sure the sex life is very dull..boo hoo for you two. sleepin with your husband your love next to you regardless of who snores is awesome....ha ha who knows maybe when your sleeping he is watchin porn or even has a slut over to give him the company in the bed...you two obviously have no love

I agree Kim. No sex? Must be a lot of masterbating going on in front of the computer then huh? So much for the Ying and the Yang. More like the Ping and the Yank! LOL