I think the issue is more geographical than anything else since that plays a huge role into how one is raised (i.e. southern hospitality, etc).

This may sound odd but I noticed the change in behavior in my fellow classmates when they changed the dress code and abolished formal attire at school when I was in high school. Then, little by little, manners seem to erode and have less importance. The reality shows and rewarding people for bad behavior by making them celebrities has set an incredibly bad example. And politics is about as ugly as I have ever seen in my lifetime. There used to be a time where people could argue about their political differences without personally attacking someone. And the example set by good journalism is rare these days because the media has turned into sensational entertainment.

The reason civility is gone is because humility is gone. Everybody is taught that if they believe something, anyone that disagrees is wrong and inferior. You're either with me or against me!!!

Having moved from the South to the Northwest I did notice a big difference in the manners of people up here. My wife stopped at a small store with a flat tire, she got out to start changing it in the rain, with four small children in the car. Four different "gentlemen" came by and watched but none afford to help.

The first time I had a kid call me by my first name only, no Mr., was after we move here, the kids have to be forced to say please and thank you as well.

We raised our children with manners, and it has paid off, when people need someone to do some work or babysit our kids are on the top of the list.

Right after I moved here I held the door open for several people at a doctor's office, as I was standing there holding the door a "lady" started in on me about how she could open the door her self and didn't need a man doing it for her, she refused to go inside until I went in and let the door close. Once in I held it closed while she tried to open it, she couldn't see me and gave up after a while. :)

Good for you Robbob.

Let me tell you... if I had a buck for every time I've held a door open, for either a woman or a man, and had them walk on through, look me right in the eyes, and NOT SAY THANK YOU, I do think that I could have retired fifteen years ago. This happens VERY frequently. I only wish that I had the nerve to slam the door right back into their faces.

A lot depends on where you live. In West Texas, people pride themselves on being "friendly", whether to friends or strangers. No one seems to care if a handicapped person uses an electric cart in the store and usually someone will try to help you, whether you need it or not! We hold doors for each other, no matter what gender is involved. We usually remember to say "Thank you" and "Please". Of course there are exceptions, but more often than not, if you need some help, you'll be offered it. So, civility isn't quite dead yet.

I held the door open for several people at a doctor's office, as I was standing there holding the door a "lady" started in on me about how she could open the door her self and didn't need a man doing it for her, she refused to go inside until I went in and let the door close. Once in I held it closed while she tried to open it, she couldn't see me and gave up after a while. :)

Good One Robbob!

Now that is just funny. I of course being raised in a time when gentlemen opened a door for a lady -- think that your actions were respectful and courteous. Remember that this one woman does not represent all women and a man should always hold a door for a lady, but not all women are ladies, so if they admit they are not ladies let the door shut in their face. Personally I do not think a man should ever enter a door ahead of a lady....and I was not raised in the south. It is just good manners. Keep it up, but should you run into another not so ladylike woman who refuses your respectful gesture and demands the equal opportunity to place her hands on a germ covered door handle then by all means hold the door shut on her again. LOL! I will have a hard time not pulling this stunt myself.

Everytime I'm starting to lose faith in humanity, a random person shows an act of kindness/good manners/civility etc and I think "well maybe there is still hope after all". I do my part wherever I can, hold doors for people, please and thank you, etc.

Several years back I contracted Guillain Barre and ended up slightly crippled. Most people don't notice, but when they do they have gone out of their way to be kind, offering all kinds of help, and sometimes are willing to go quite out of their way for a complete stranger! I do live in the south, but I'm still surprised at how lovely people have been - with two exceptions who were apparently quite miffed that they didn't have handicapped parking. A heart felt thank you to each and every one of you who has restored my faith in mankind!

I have to agree with Patty, having thought for quite some time that all 3 hosts, Meredith, Matt and Anne are rude to those they interview whose politics or outlook differs from their own. They just need to look at their own segments where they step all over the responses from their guest with whatever the next question might be, a continuous asking of the same question - trying to rattle that person by getting them to trip them up or change their answer, their obvious bias by the belittling of or smirking at their responses, shaking or cocking of the head, or laughing amongst one another afterwards to clue in those in their circle that they disrespect or disagree with that person's response.

If you dislike the Today Show hosts, why do you watch it?

I've watched that show every day for years. I remember when Matt had hair!

The way they conduct interviews is the nature of their "live" type of journalism. They are just trying to make sure that all points of view are covered. They are not being rude at all!

The one who is rude is Larry King! He hangs up on people in the middle of a sentence. I stopped watching him because of his style, even though he has very good guests on his show. He really needs to retire already!

Stores used to train their employees to say thank you to customers who have taken the time to make a purchase in their store. That's gone now, and I don't know why. One guy said to me, "You're free to go now." What's up with that?! Sometimes I say, "Thank you, come again" and am met with a blank stare.

Robbob:

Lol. I like that. Some people get so huffy if a person is polite to them, and I see no reason for it. I am not 'infringing' on your right to open your own door, I'm simply being courteous. Something that is rare now a days. I know what you mean about southern states, we moved further south and it's much more pleasant now. People actually smile to one another and say hi. Attitudes and pace are much more relaxed, it makes life good. I feel the tension coming back every time I go back up north to visit family. Huge difference.

Auzziegirl: L. King is retiring this year. I agree, it's time. I only wish Bill O'Reilly would call it quits. He's the most irritating, obnoxious person on television, if not the planet.

Gotta love the new style for mettings, where everyone talks as loudly as possible at the same time. They teach this in college I guess?

That and calling everyone by their first name? Oh well with all the H1B's we get I admit I can't pronounce either name, I'll stick to sir or mam,

You want to see "bad manners" try driving on an LA freeway!

How about teaching it at home? That's where the problem begins.

Its not 100% accurate but its pretty darn close......

If you see a screwed up kid, look at his parents. Does dad wear shorts and flip flops out to dinner? Does mom have tattoos, Do they curse at each other. To most children everything they do is a learned trait.

First at home, then on TV then association.

In today's society tattoos are no longer necessarily a sign of poor parenting skills. Now if mom is rockin a poorly drawn faded skull n cross bones with an ex-lovers name covered up, then yes there may be something wrong there :-)

Excuse me, but having tattoos does NOT automatically make you a bad parent!! Please stop and think before you say something like that ever again. Thank You!

You are serious? The Disney Channel? You should just raise your kids in a convent, they would be less confused by your puritanical views.

If you PLEASE, I disagree. Thank you.

I do not think civility is dead. I think it is reciprocated. I am a well mannered person, but I was raised that way. I am always careful to be polite in public and in my home. I use please and thank you, excuse me and pardon me daily. I notice that while not everybody reciprocates my politeness that most people do. So if you think people are rude and civility is dead, perhaps you could start with some civility and politeness of your own. Also - it is a problem of perception that you would expect the same behavior from others (particularly strangers). Just exercise civility yourself and you will soon see.....NO - it is not dead at all....but not everybody will have your level of manners....and that is ok. We should never expect everyone to be just as us...that is pretty narrowminded....we all have had different life experiences. I keep that in mind when interacting with other people. I have no idea what they have been through in a day, let alone their entire life. Just be civil yourself ---stop worrying about everybody else. One person can certainly make a difference in this department.

I watched disney when I was younger and remember Kurt Russel and Dean Jones and many of the disney non cartoon movies and weekly shows. Kids were clean cut and respectful. SHows were fun to watch.

Now kids dress like trash, talk smart and are always smarter than their parents or other grown ups. Most disney movies, even the cartoons, I will not allow my child to watch.

Disney is not responsible, but it is no longer a positive influence for children either.

@ India & Bella - My kids will be raised in a convent of old Transformers cartoons, Sonic the Hedgehog, Bugs Bunny, X-men, and other non-wussified shows.

Elaine, I disagree. Rudeness and disrespect is taught by our politicians. Those who call our President liar; say it's time to arm our country; can't discuss differences but instead yell and threaten; those who question a person's patriotism because we don't all think alike. Do you not believe that children see and hear all of this and think this is the way to act?

Elaine, you are completely right. I began saying this to my husband years ago, when I began noticing the shows my kid was watching on TV. The adults are made to look stupid or are never around. The kids always have some genius plan or have superpowers or are always rude to each other, etc. The cartoons aren't even funny anymore, everyone just insults each other. I have blocked a lot of shows that I think are not a good example.

I agree totally. I saw it with my children

I, to a point, have to agree that some of the blame is with the shows that our children are exposed to. My 6 yr old daughter was a big fan of "Hannah Montana" and at one point started acting like her, until I immediatly put a halt to it by letting her know that it was an inappropriate way to act. She was not allowed to watch the show until her behavior was brought back in check with what civility really is. The biggest issue is not the shows themselves, but the fact that some parents are not explaining to thier children that it is nothing more than a show and that it is not really the way the world was or should be.

WOW, everything was better when "you" were a kid. How about not blaming tv for your lack of parenting! Kids learn from their parents and if the parents don't like a television show, the parents should not allow that television show.

The problem probably centers around the fact that so many parents don't want to take responsibility for their actions. They just "blame the Disney Channel"!

Because parents laugh and say 'oooh thats so cute' instead of scolding their children. Heaven forbid you make them cry and not like you for a few minutes!

My roommate and I have a running joke about that guy. How hard is it to swallow yogurt before you start talking?

"Trrrhhff ifs rrrrllly gdddd"

Americans! would it have been better if he just shot the woman? We can kill all day on the tube, but show too much skin and americans are ready to panic.

I tac on a little fine print to the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you*

*Until they attempt to harm you in some way, then do unto others as they do unto you.

Neli, I agree with you. (I'm another Tina). I've found that when you treat people with courtesy and respect they generally respond in kind. I have de-fused many a person's anger with courtesy.

Yes, I agree. Working in retail I have done so. And it worked! but not always.

People who endeavor to live by the Golden Rule aren't usually rewarded with respect or civility in the short run. It seems like "no good deed goes unpunished" in the short run. But in the long run, what goes around comes around in this life. Over a lifetime, we reap what we sow, and following the Golden Rule blesses us.

Doing for others how you would like to be treated doesn't yield immediate and positive results when you display courtesy to insensitive people with an attitude.

Reason why, is they choose not to stay around you long enough to show they might appreciate your gesture of kindness or civility, and/or, they have false expectations in their mind as to who owes them respect and in what form. In my experience, unless they have psych problems, if you are willing to show courtesy enough to that one person, they will eventually reciprocate respect for you.

But if you're in a place where people come and go and you can't stay around for enough time to interact with people longer than 20 minutes or so, it's easy to assume that their returning appreciation for your display of courtesy has disappeared with most people.

In some places, depending on the local culture, some younger people don't care. They just want immediate satisfaction and to hell with exercising the bit of time it takes to correctly figure out the social nuances to display courtesy, kindness or respect to others. Yes, in some places it's fashionable or acceptable to be rude. And in others places it's a positive part of their culture, that they were taught from any early age through their teen years, to display courtesy and basic etiquette.

I find as they get older though, they learn to show respect, if they want it in return. When they're immature they expect it, but won't return it.

But immerse them in interactive opportunities of years of social conditioning with the give and take of human relationships, and they'll normally become more courteous as they get older. It's either that, or in some cases, unfortunately, they'll seemly display more courteous or respectful on the surface, because they've learned to become much more manipulative to prey upon people they target, as to get something out of them, at their expense.

For consistently rude people you need to be assertive, "cool-headed" and firm. They won't like it, but just remember, that it's their psychological belligerence, and it's their problem, so don't make it yours, and don't give them the satisfaction that they succeeded in, "pushing your buttons." They didn't like your assertion and your unwillingness to play their rude games by reacting they way they wanted you to, and you didn't respond rudely in kind, and that displays to them and others around you that it is your strength in how you handled them, and it also displays to people around them that it was their weakness that they couldn't handle your emotional and social maturity.

And what can they do in their defense or offense for displaying their rudeness to you? Anything they try, will backfire on them in one form or another. If it persists, you keep your level-headed demeanor, document the incident...and hardly any court in the land will fault you. Rather, the authorities will ream the rude predators a new hole for their exaggerations and fabrications they'll use in their defense that doesn't match up to your story, or to the testimony of witnesses that will say you kept your cool and acted civilly, while they in comparison, displayed unnecessary disrespect and vulgarity.

peep

Hi, peep... I really love you post. You wrote:

Hi Everyone, I have watched for a long time the erosion of civility and know that many people are still taking time to be pleasant and polite BUT I see youngsters also becoming less polite or caring. I think probably as many are still CIVIL. The excuse of being busy is NO excuse. Just bad manners.

Yes. And it's more than just going through the motions and saying the words. I think that maybe part of the problem is that many people have forgotten, or maybe have not been taught, about how each person is valuable, has feelings and dreams, and is worthy of respect.

There seems to be an awful lot of looking down at others these days, for their lack of money or their religion or their political beliefs. Values seem to be pretty messed up for a lot of people.

I think today we are inundated by songs, TV even many anchors -female anchors or guests whose skirts show everything= the ACLU who is always in the wings looking for a cause but mostly I worry about the homes in our USA. I don't think many kids are getting the lessons at home. I think that most of the time kids when they get into trouble i.e. DUI they go to jail and that is no lesson. I think they need to go to someplace (ER) and clean up the floor or whatever and see what really happens to their victims. Shop lifting ? Send them to work with the Homeless. Oh well I think you get my message. Punishment just does not do it.

Yes. There are reasons for this, I think, but many of them are not good reasons. Kids need to learn to see other people as human beings. Lots of adults need to learn this, too. I like your ideas about having consequences that help people see others better, and maybe develop a bit of compassion.

When my kids were growing up, I was a single mom, and I worked a LOT, but included the kids in most of the rest of my life. We did so much together - work, play and talking - especially talking. We had a lot of conversations about the world. And we'd do things like committing random acts of kindness. I've lived in Canada for most of my kids' lives (my husband at the time was transferred here) and, somehow, I think that raising kids was easier here than it would be in the States, at least at these days. I know that (two in Europe, five here) seem to have an easier time of it than kids I know of in the States. For one thing, there's nowhere I know of where public schools are places you wouldn't want to send your kids to.

This is not to say there are no problems. There are, of course.

I agree. My son was in pre-school and is now in 1st grade with a bully. My son is one of the largest kids in his class, but this boy is bigger. This kid would knock him down, choke him, knock him off the swings, etc. If my son told the teacher, he was in trouble for being a tattle-tale. However, if he fights back, he will be suspended for fighting. I've made up my mind to tell him to fight back and make it clear that even if he is suspended from school, he will not be in trouble at home.

Ralphy got a bar of soap in his mouth for saying "fuudddggge" though.

I don't know where you live, but where I live (the midwest) several folks would have stopped to help. I definitely would!

I live in the midwest and I would have stopped to help, but I also would have given you the leaving the child unattended lecture (back to cart unaware of what your child is doing in or on the cart IS unattended). I have seen children with gashes on their heads from hitting concrete floor because of this. I know it is easy to forget for a moment, but you always need to keep your eyes toward the child, head injuries can be very serious.

I would have stopped to help but I also would have been annoyed that you weren't watching your kids. Civility is rare and that is also apparent in how poorly-behaved kids are today, not just in people not helping you.

Where I live, they would have just walked over you.

I would have helped. No doubt about it. I've seen things like this happen in stores, and most people do seem to stop. It's the little things where I have to make a conscious effort to remember - like when, in that same store, I get up to the register with a whole cartful, and the person behind me just has a few things. It's satisfying when I remember, but it's just so darned easy to forget.

I agree, I live in the south now, but come from the mid-west. No such thing as southern hospitality. Whenever I travel to the mid-west on business I am less stressed then when I travel anywhere else in the country. I frequently hold open doors for men (I am a woman) and go out of my way to help a physically disabled person if they need help. I don't expect thanks or require it to continue to do good deeds (as some of the previous posters). I feel good just thinking about how I helped someone else...seems like a lot of people need to adopt this attitude.

I agree with those who would have helped -- but also been annoyed at your leaving your children unattended. There is a fine line between HELPING and being civil, and being expected to tolerate out of control children. I suspect that many in the store felt your children were out of control -- whether that was the case or not.

I was grocery shopping with my children. My back was to the cart where, of course, my children were goofing around

You may not like to hear this, but not supervising your children in a public place is ALSO rudeness. It's rudeness to the other customers in the store and they may have been reacting to that.

I can tell you from experience that the reason no one stopped to help you is because you were not supervising your children, and allowed them to overturn the cart and make a giant mess. Why are other people obligated to clean up after your children? Especially those who do not work in the store and are just trying to shop like you? I used to work as a bartender and some idiot let thier 5 year old daughter sit on a high bar stool. She started rocking the stool back and forth, the parents did not notice, and she fell, knocking over a stack of menus and salt and pepper shakers. The parents were angry at ME for not showing more concern, when they showed absolutely none themselves by sitting there drinking while their daughter played in a bar stool.

At least you were not in california someone would have snatched your kids while your back was turned, then child services would have came after you for neglect, and the police would arrest you for damages to the cart.

I have been disabled for 10yrs now, your right people just step over you. Even my own family. mostly I try to stay out of the way as I can't keep up I no longer try to go to movies or outdoor events as they will leave me behind like so much trash.

Welcome to America.

...and then you decided the strawberries were too bruised to buy and put them back on the display. Or just left them right there on the floor for other people to slip on.

Yeah, civility is dead.

Sorry, but, I have to agree with the folks that say you should have been watching your children better. Let me guess, was someone standing in the basket? That's just about the only way a child can turn a grocery cart over. Yes, I have two of my own and nothing like that ever happened to me because I kept my eyes on them and did not let them play in the cart.

I think you're kind of rambling here...I really had a hard time getting your point. And I have a hard time understanding how this has anything to do with the way we teach history, the Bible or being Christians. I've met a lot of so-called Christians that are more rude and obnoxious with their behavior than non-Christians. Watching the "Christians" getting so angry denigrating gay people with vulgar terms and doing the same when they protest abortion and even when they have made their voices heard politically...they have demonstrated very unChristian like behavior....my question is...when did Christians start believing that God or Jesus ever approved this behavior?

I would just like to point out to Cade Harrison that is it factually incorrect to state that the founders were devoted Christians. In fact, many of the founders openly advocated for the separation of religion and the government. Additionally, the founders, like Thomas Jefferson, were openly atheist. There are many famous quotes from these men that evidence that factThe entire reason that the USA was founded the way we know it now is because the founders wanted to escape the religiously oppressive nature of British rule.

If you are going to be as egotistical as to push your religious agenda in this forum, please be accurate. I respect your right to believe whatever you wish when it comes to religion, but please realize how intrusive and rude your comments sound. This forum is to discuss civility, your implied implication about being a non-chirstian is the epitome of rude and bad manners.

I was raised as a Christian and my mother always taught me that it was rude and inappropriate to discuss personal religious beliefs in a public forum.

I have known Christians that are some of the most hateful, rude, and hypocritical people I have ever laid eyes on. Religion is not a predicator of kindness. Not by a long shot.

It's just another cliqe, like every other either you belong, or you don't count. only thing bothers me is they don't pay taxs for their clubs, let belive they have the right to contribute to how people behave. sick

Cade Harrison, I just pray that the Bible you are reading is more historically accurate than the history books you have consumed. You see, all that "i'm a Christian, vote for me because I'm more Christian than my opponent", really started in the 50's, when we got all high and mighty post WWII, and added the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance, right before the word "indivisible", which is really funny if your brain functions at all, because adding the words "under God" actually negated the whole concept of indivisibility, as in, never discuss religion or politics....it's called irony??? Never mind, may God bless you & keep you.

Abigail Adams wrote to her husband, "I know you want us to be Congregationalist but this silly three equals one thing is about the craziest thing I have ever heard" I know you will tell me to be nice until you get back but I just can't listen to another sermon about the trinity" I thought we were monotheist"

That doesn't sound anything like a modern day Christian. What most of you Christians don't know is that you would not have recognized Christianity as it was practiced 400 years ago? And they would not recognize you either.

Carol in Marblehead,Ma

I work in the music business and not everyone is guilty of being selfish, nasty or even profane. There are always people, no matter what their profession, who fail to treat people with respect and dignity, even though they expect it from others. True, there are many who do behave badly, but please don't lump all of us in the same category.

I was taught by my parents that if we treat people the way we would hope to be treated, then others may treat you with the same respect. Try it some time.

Don't leave out Rush Limbaugh when you start to talk about incivility.

What are you expecting? the Today Show airs out of and is supported with employees from the Tri-State (NY, NJ and CT)

Talk about rude a**holes.

NJ and NY is a crotch of the rude, crass, arrogant and self-absorbed couple with an innate talent for assertiveness.

When these a**holes fail and then leave their "homeland", they bring their hubris and attitude with them. Just look at the difference in civility between the east and west coasts of Florida. Jerks from the Northeast flock in droves to the southeastern cities, while Midwesterners populate the southwestern coast. An a**hole from NY sticks out like a sore thumb when you encounter him/her in Ft Myers or Sarasota, but pretty much standard faire in Boca or Ft. Laud. Miami is a sh*hole thanks to the amalgumation of lots of the worst peoples in several circles.

Gwen ... Thank you Thank you, I was totally angry to see Today run this ridiculous series on civility [ trying to cover up their mess ] post the rally on Sat and right before the election for which they and the rest of the mainstream media created the most toxic anti-civility environment in this country ... they should take a good look in the mirror and recognize that they are the ones [not the one ] destroying this country ... bravo to Jon Stewart for calling them out on this and to Arianna for this great piece she wrote today ...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/rally-to-restore-sanity_b_777373.html?utm_source=DailyBrief&utm_campaign=110210&utm_medium=email&utm_content=FeatureTitle&utm_term=Daily+Brief

Sorry Tina, but it's not just "kids" letting the F word fly...adults are pretty good at it also.

I'm really trying to figure when that word became an adverb. People don't say "oh what a pretty blue flower" anymore...it's "oh what a f*#&$% flower".

I don't get it.

Calm down. Why do you have such high expectations from Matt Lauer to begin with? Over the years it's become apparent he's absorbed with himself, thinking he's such a good journalist. Gotta love a short man who thinks his c*ck is so big that his role is on a variety-show morning program.