Ah, the holidays -- full of warmth, good spirits, tasty food... and plenty of awkward encounters. In honor of the holiday season, Ladies' Home Journal wants your feedback for a special TODAY segment on etiquette dos and don'ts on Thursday, Dec. 2. Share your thoughts on the following festive situations:
Is it okay to regift?
What is the best way to handle the moment when someone gives you a gift and you don't have one for them?
If your budget does not allow you to tip extra, is there something else you've given as a show of appreciation?
How many drinks should you allow a guest in your home to drink and still drive home?
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It's official - NBC News is no longer in the news business - lead story on the Today show - and for first 10 minutes straight - "Breaking News" - is on the wedding in England of some royalty - which we gave up about 234 years ago. That is more important than N. Korea launching an artillery attack on S. Korea, at the same time announcing a new nuclear weapons facility? And this after last week wasting hours on stories of this irrelevant wedding, and then more wasted time on creating "viral videos" (hint if it is on the Today Show, with Meredith, Matt, Ann and Al doing it, by definition, it is no longer "cool"). The News division should just give up the Today show, if they want to claim they are still in the news business.
Really?
Well to be fair... there wasn't any word on what the Palin's were doing today. But stay tuned.
I heard Bristol will be on Fox with her commentary on North Korea.
The Today show isn't about news, never had been. If you'll recall, one of the first co-hosts was a chimp. It's a light morning show with feature stories and a little bit of news and weather. If you want news, watch news.
Sarah's Thanksgiving moose menu will be announced shortly.
I agree Daisey. It's light entertainment for coffee. And, as to the website, why should EVERYTHING be hard news?
Open a newspaper -- is the entire thing HARD news? Of course not. There are spots, entertainment, real estate and opinion sections (among others). Why should the website be different?
The North Korean issue is blazoned across the top of MY MSNBC page, so I'm assuming the same for others -- that's appropriate, leading with the hard news. This thing was buried down at the bottom -- also appropriate.
BTW: Things like this are know as "features".
I've heard that moose tastes like turkey.
Moose tastes like a really lean steak.
It's okay to re-gift, but be careful. A few years ago, at an office holiday party, I received a gift card, from one of our vendors, to a steak restaurant here in the city. Since I haven't gone to that establishment in years, I re-gifted the card to someone in my gift-giving circle. They appreciated the card which I will admit was worth more than I had planned to spend on their gift anyway so you would think we'd all be good, right???
I got a call 2 days after Christmas from the couple who were at the restaurant trying to pay their bill with what turned out to be an almost worthless gift card. I ended up giving them the cash to cover the gift card which, again, was supposed to have been worth far more than what I had originally planned to spend. I couldn't go back to the vendor and tell them that they jacked me, so I was out all that $$.
Last year, my baby sister gave my other sister a bookstore gift card. Turns out that card was almost worthless too. That one had ben sitting around for a while so maybe the clock had been ticking.
Lesson when re-gifting a gift card: verify the value before hand.
Better yet liz, don't be so bloody cheap. You got what you deserved.
Do exactly what your recipients did. Contact the original giver and tell them it didn't work, so that they get their money back. No need to mention that it wasn't you who tried to use it.
I never re-gift, but I have one millionaire friend who does. She needs to keep a list of who gave her the gifts, since it's rather embarrassing to receive your own gift five years later. If it's a gift I can't use, I prefer to donate it to a charity such as Good Will while it's still in excellent condition.
That is a sensible, generous idea and obvious idea. Why didn't I think of it? Thanks.
I like the idea as well. We have a Christmas adoption center in our city. I like to give things to that -- especially if they are electronics, toys, games or clothes. They can then be "regifted" to those who need them.
As long as the items are unused it's a great idea. For expensive electronics, even lightly used works if regifting to young children.
I never "re-gift". I think you should take the time to think of the person you are giving the gift to and select it just for them. "Re-gifting" is SO impersonal. If I do give something I got and don't want, I just "give" it to the person and say "do you wnat this? I won't use it..." I don't present it to them as a "gift".
Who says you can't "re-gift" an item that's particularly suited to the giftee? If it's never been used and is appropriate for the person it's given to, by all means re-gift. It reduces wasteful consumerism and saves money - plus, a gift is a gift, not an obligation.
I think re-gifting is ok, as long as you have the recipient in mind, as Daisy said. I would never re-gift just to get rid of something. I would only give it to someone I thought would enjoy it. After all, if I don't like it or can't use it, that doesn't mean it's not perfect for someone else I know. Sometimes re-gifts make good host/hostess gifts. If I am going to a party instead of bringing wine or dessert (that I know everyone else will bring), I may bring a re-gift that the host/hostess will enjoy. And if it's just junk or I think no one I know will like it/use it, I donate it.
@myson, I'm w/ you on the impersonal aspect of re-gifting. But a lot of gifting we do in this country is impersonal and done out of habit or obligation. We hopped off the gift wagon a few years ago, giving only on truly special occasions and to those we love. It feels more authentic now and takes the weight off those who can't control their re-gift urges that can have needless uncomfortable consequences. After being on the receiving end - repeatedly - of embarrassing to the point of hurtful (read: passive/aggressive) re-gifts from one obnoxious relative who always received a thoughtful and personal, thought not outrageously expensive, Christmas gift from me, I found that not giving helped put that person in an overall clearer context, sparing both of us. (Though clearly she was impervious to the outcomes of her re-gifts.) Often, I'd just say 'thank you' and then leave it on a table, knowing she didn't really care what I thought or felt, presuming she'd give it to another unfortunate soul. If it comes down to shamelessly re-gifting a coffee cup your kid brought home from college ... perhaps it's best to re-evaluate, grow some manners and briefly apologize for not having something for that person. Among those who feel the need to gift everyone they know, two rules: depends on the gift, and it depends on the giftee.
I have also jumped off the gift wagon. Giving gifts to only a few close family members mostly just the small children. I have also started making or baking for gifts. It started to save money, but it has turned into a tradition. To a lot of my friends my goodies gift basket is better than anything I could buy them at a store.
I was raised to appreciate any gift given to me and have never re-gifted anything. I believe that if an individual takes the time to pick out a gift for you, you should show your appreciation and attempt to make use of it. In the event it is something that in no way you are able to use then passing the item on to an organization like Goodwill is always an option. I purchased my mother in law a bath set from Bath and BodyWorks 2 years ago. After Christmas she told my husband that she didn't like the scent. Instead of exchanging the set for another scent she simply re-gifted it to me the next year. I was very hurt she would intentionally return my own gift to me. If you must regift, please remember the orgin of the gift and keep the givers feelings in mind.
I, too, was raised to appreciate gifts and the thought behind them.
However, I was also taught never to waste. This is a virtue that more Americans need to cultivate. I have no problem re-gifting. Nor have I a problem with any recipient re-gifting what I have given them.
It's known as living green and practicing re-cycling.
This will answer two questions. Yes to regifting. But only to the person that gives you a gift and you didn't have one for them. I buy a "mystery gift" each year, so that when someone unexpected shows up, they are not sitting there with nothing. One year it was a canister set to a step nephew. Didn't know he was coming. He got the mystery gift and it was a set of really cool glass canisters. He loved it, (or said he did), but he still has it to this day. I would not waste something that someone gave me. I would be happy if someone passed it along to someone that would use it. I have a gift card from last year that is still sitting at a drawer at home. Obviously the person that took the time to think of the perfect gift for me, didn't know that I don't like barbeque eateries!!! Will end up giving it away.
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas.
Be careful with that card -- see post 2!
No! The proper response to a gift is thankyou. Don't insult them by regifting with some useless crap you didn't want. I don't like the mystery gift idea either. Most people don't need or appreciate random things. Except children... this is a lovely idea for children.
I regift all the time. If I get something that I really can't use or doesn't suit my taste, but I know that it would be perfect for someone else - away it goes! Why should I just let it sit collecting dust?
Do note - do not regift to the person who gave it to you! :)
It's not cheap - it's recycling. Everyone I've ever regifted to have no idea it's a regift (the item is never used prior) and they are thrilled.
Regift? Absolutely, just make sure all the previous cards and notes are removed. I'm allergic to a number of scents, and invariably I get a basket of soaps or lotions that I can't use. I usually pass them along to one of the grandkids who aren't sensitive to these things. Always keep a record of who gave what so you don't accidentally regift to the original giver. They WILL remember. (If you don't know anyone who can use these scented gifts, consider donating them to a senior center or nursing home. Many of the folks there do enjoy them.)
Second, the unknown receiver? I always have a few "spare" gifts on hand, just in case. Flashlights are really good for this one. Nice ones. They are very neutral, but useful gifts. I have yet to see anyone dissatisfied with a flashlight. And if it's leftover (with no batteries), it stores perfectly until the next year. (Buy when they are on sale, too). That extra basket of soaps sometimes get put in that pile, too. They tend to last, as well. I also purchase several books of varying subjects that people might enjoy. Some are "coffee-table" style, and are very attractive and enjoyable.
I've banned alcoholic holiday beverage drinking at my home. I have found that if the beverages are available, that some folks don't know when to stop. Putting a stop to them causes hard feelings; therefore, none. Sorry folks, that's the way it is. If we lived in a more "sober" society, I'd say just one, but unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
I agree. The alternative is to have a very limited supply. Like, one beer per adult, so you run out before seconds. Or just enough alcohol for one mixed drink per person, then switch to a non-alcoholic version for seconds. I agree that people always seem to binge drink.
Regarding re-gifting - definitely yes. I may not need or want it, but it may be invaluable to someone else. It's ridiculous to get offended if someone doesn't want your gift. Just make sure you don't give it the next year at the same holiday get-together.
Regarding tipping: I would never tip less than acceptable. I have ordered less expensive items or ordered fewer drinks just so I could give an over-generous tip. Those people work hard and tips are how they pay their rent.
I so appreciate your thoughtfulness in tipping. I have a second job as a waitress and I tell you what, around the holidays, people tip the worst, and demand the most. You are a gem.
I do the same. I never tip less than 15% and that is minimum. My boss is cheap and will drop a dollar on the table that doesn't even cover 1% of the bill. Ugh.
BJ I know exactly what you mean. I was sitting at a steak restaurant with about 10 people when my brother-in-law told everyone not to tip that he would take care of it. He put $2 under his plate... UGH!!! I told my husband (I am female despite my screen name) and we discretely left enough tip to cover the bill. It was awful. Why do people do that? Those people have a base salary of about $4 an hour and no health insurance, retirement, or benefits. What's wrong with people?
Regifting makes good sense. Rather than use something out of obligation - give it to someone who would like it. Goodwill is a good idea too, but I don't feel guilty for regifting something. If someone gifted something to me that I don't want, then they didn't know me well enough in the first place. It means they guessed - or bought me something because they felt obligated. I used to save stuff that people bought me just because I cared about the person who gave it to me. It makes no sense - it's called hoarding. Regifting doesn't make you a bad person - it makes you practical.
Certainly, regift. If the gift is appropriate for someone, just the fact that you didn't spend money on it doesn't mean there was no thought behind it. And, suppose I receive a $20 gift that isn't to my taste. I still appreciate the thoughtfulness of the giver, but using it or tossing it wouldn't change that. Then, I regift to someone else, or donate it to a worthwhile organization. That way, I get $20 of value out of the gift, even if I didn't do it in the way the giver originally intended.
I always regift! I look at it that the gift they have given me is MY gift. So therefore, I use it for someone more fitted to the gift and my gift is not having to spend money and to be able to be resourceful and use the gift! I am quite PROUD of my re-gifting!
I love the idea of keeping a gift on hand at all times in case an unexpected one comes your way. Great idea.
Regarding re-gifting, I have thought to do so in the past but what always stops me is this: I take pride in the gifts I give people and hope they will like them, so why would I give something I didn't like to someone else? I meant to, at times, but ended up putting them in a garage sale or donating them.
let's not be haters today. practice for tomorrow being a decent human being.
I used to never regift, and always tried to make use of gifts. That was until I had kids. Now, the kids every so often will receive a gift that they already have, and invariably, there is no gift receipt I can use to return the item and get something else. When this happens, I'll take my child to the store to and buy something they would like, thus they aren't out a gift. And then regift the gift to someone else who will appreciate the gift.
Also, if my husband or I receive a gift we can't use and can't return, I use it either as a white elephant gift, add it to the available incentive prizes under our prize tree at work, or donate it to charity.
I have two relatives who re-gift to me.
I have received the most random crap from both of them which I could never understand. They are both intelligent, upper middle-class, fun people yet the gifts I would receive were such that I couldn't possibly imagine they had actually gone into a store and purchased with me, or anyone else, in mind. The only thing I could think was that at some point they must've had their head buried in some Door Buster Bargain Bin, found these things and threw them in a Christmas box in their attic.
I finally figured it out when someone mentioned re-gifting in a casual conversation. Of course! That explains how they even get these items in their possession.
I always send the items along to my local community thrift store.
If you want to re-gift just keep in mind that the truly weird, random, stuff that totally doesn't fit your personality could have RE-GIFT written all over it.
I regift --- why let a gift card sit and not be used if I know that a friend loves a particular restaurant, or whatever? Some things I do just pass on to Goodwill, and some go into the annual White Elephant Christmas exchange --- and the beautiful crystal vase that I don't need, well, it goes right into the box of things to give someone NEXT year.
When I am given a gift card I cannot use, I do not pass it along as a birthday or Christmas gift. Instead, I just give it to someone else as a "I can't use this, would you take it off my hands, please" gift for no reason. I hate normal regifting. Cheap and tacky!
The year I was going through my divorce my sister was feeling sorry for me and decided to give me a Christmas gift... even though my sisters and I had decided years before not to (because of too many kids, neices and nephews). The gift she gave me, in a WalMart bag, not even wrapped, was a used not-my-style pocketbook. Besides the obvious "not new" look of the pocketbook, there were several items in it.... a crumpled tissue, a half-used lipstick, crumbs, a paperclip and several old crumpled receipts..... plus a crumpled up 5 dollar bill. Yes, I took the $5 and left the pocketbook at her house, tucked under the end table where she would find it another day. On the way home, my mother actually fussed at me for not being more gracious and pretending to LOVE the pocketbook. After all, "It was the thought that counted." .... HAHAHA!
Sheron,
If it's the thought that counts, well, that thought was simply rude. You did the right thing. Good for you.
I'm trying to figure out why a loving sister would do such a thing. It seems cruel to me.
I actually will tip a bit more in a restaurant or traveling this time a year. I don't have any personal staff or regular people who provide services outside of work.
A further question to this one -- do you tip your mailman? I've always debated this one -- and never done it. Generally speaking, my mailman has always earned a lot more money than I do with a lot better benefits. And, there are three to four who deliver on my route -- so I wouldn't even know WHICH one to tip.
I'd be interested in some feedback on this one!
I don't tip the mail delivery people either, and for the same reasons. I've never made as much as they do, so why should I tip them for doing a job they're already well compensated for?
Tipping has gotten way out of hand, IMO. I wish people were just paid decent wages in the first place and didn't have to rely on tips to make ends meet.
Many of the people who expect tips -- hairdressers, pet groomers, etc. -- usually make decent money and don't need tips. And many of them own their own businesses.
I do tip waitstaff; they're paid less than many other workers and for a hard job at that. But tipping everyone in ever type of service job is just too much . . .
FYI: Postal carriers are not allowed to receive gifts in cash. They also may only receive gifts worth no more than $20 in value.
I've always given our postal carriers a small Christmas gift. I don't consider it a "tip". I just want them to know how much I appreciate their good service. My husband was a rural carrier. His truck had no AC and no heat. Encounters with dogs that "never bite". Wasps in the mailboxes, and boxes laying on the ground that people were too lazy to fix. He loved the job and has lots of funny stories to tell. He received a few gifts and the ones he liked best were homemade.
My dad was a suburban carrier in the olden days, when it was the Post Office, not USPS. He had tons and tons of gifts, most very personal and thoughtful, yet inexpensive according to the rules. He wrote personal thank you notes for each one. He was old-school, he went to work at 5 am and had to sort every piece of mail by hand before he went out on his motor route. When he retired, they split his route into four routes.
My letter carrier operates his own vehicle, which is a real piece of junk. I leave him gift cards that can be used to keep his car running, or to buy whatever he needs to keep him going through the day, like coffee shop cards. This guy is pretty good, so he is worth remembering once a year.
What is the best way to handle the moment when someone gives you a gift and you don't have one for them?
I don't feel a gift should be given with the intent that you will get something back. If someone gives me a gift and I haven't purchased one for them, I simply give them my heartfelt thanks and maybe write a thank you card. I do not go out and purchase a gift for them. Nor do I expect when I give someone a gift that they need to get me a gift in return.
Don't even get me started on people who complain about someone not getting them a "big enough" or "expensive enough" gift. Giving extravagant gifts does not make you a better or even more generous person, especially when you expect equal gifts in return.
Yes. If I give you a gift, please don't insult me by making me take some crap you dug out of your attic. If I wanted something in return, I'd have announced my intent to drop off your gift with plenty of time for you to reciprocate. Not that it's acceptable to expect a gift in return, but don't you think that if someone expected one, that they'd give you some heads-up? No one wants random crap.
Is it okay to regift?
Sure, why not? Only corporate America would consider it "rude" not to spend money on brand new items. Only hoarders would expect you to keep something you didn't want.
What is the best way to handle the moment when someone gives you a gift and you don't have one for them?
Say thank you. It's a gift, not a barter. Barters (gift exchanges) must be arranged in advance. Even if you do plan to give a gift also, who says you have to exchange it simultaneously? Pick it up when you had planned. If you must, lie and say theirs isn't wrapped yet.
If your budget does not allow you to tip extra, is there something else you've given as a show of appreciation?
I tip servers 15% because it's a traditional part of their compensation package. I don't tip others for doing their jobs; I pay for their services, and their employer compensates them according to whatever agreement they made when they accepted the employment. People aren't puppies; they don't need constant "treats" in order to perform.
How many drinks should you allow a guest in your home to drink and still drive home?
One. I provide unlimited non-alcoholic versions, also suitable for children, pregnant women and non-drinkers. But you only get one alcoholic beverage. Everyone's tolerance is different, and I'm not going to analyze how many drinks each person is allowed based on weight or any other factor. Nor will I let you drive away drunk, or overstay your welcome. You can binge-drink at home. One drink is all anyone gets at my house.
Cautious, careful re-gifting is OK.
Habitually passing along garage sale "finds" in rather shabby condition for birthdays and Christmas is not (although my best friend has decided to find her step-mom's penchant for "thrifty" giving amusing instead of irksome).
Sometimes the gift giver has NOT put thought into the gift. I have a sister that gives me items that she has bought at garage sales or received free when buying something else for herself. They are usually mangled, used, outdated and totally useless. She feels that giving junk qualifies her as having given a gift, but then expects extravagant gifts in return. There is no winning on this one.
I have a fruit cake that has been around the world several times..:). we to have mostly stopped gift giving.... cash fits everybody and not as much of that anymore. I do bake a bit for close friends.
Everyone should take their whole Xmas gift budget and buy themselves what they want. Everyone wins, including retailers and no one has to return or regift something they don't want.
I used to spend a lot of time finding what I thought would be the perfect present for my friends. After being the recipient of what I was sure were "regifts" several times, I quit exchanging gifts with my friends. Of course, I didn't tell my friends the real reason I quit exchanging gifts with them at Christmas and birthdays. Thought: Why would someone think I would want something that they themselves didn't want or like? Am I a scrooge - maybe - but definitely a happier Scrooge!