Talking about fat is just toxic- I make an effort not to talk about dieting/fat/skinny or really anything that would make other women feel bad about their bodies (we all get enough of that already). Not only is fat talk harmful- it is boring. If a conversation is heading in that direction I either try and change the subject (sometimes by complementing those around me on something that is true and they wont try irritatingly to deny like that they are really kind or smart etc.) or I disengage. Life is too short to feel like @!$%# and I certainly don't want to make anyone else feel bad for something that is none of societies business.

If you don't mind, comment from a guy....knock it off already, any guy worth sticking with is hopefully not focusing on it. If your confident, comfortable with yourself, maintain a healthy life style-you know what I mean. What guy wants to hang with a companion so vain? (vain usually equals self obsessed) and if he does, he has the same mindset. Sure my lady isn't the same size after 20yrs, she still has all of what attracted me to her and more.

It's absolutely ridiculuous topic for conversation because the physical appearance is OBVIOUS: a person either slim or heavier than slim :)) everyone can see it right away (some, though, are smart enough not to emphasize their "problematic" zones by wearing right clothing). what's a point to voice something your eyes already saw and processed info to your brain? anyway, here some personal experiences. during my first marriage, I was literally bullied by my gym-obsessed husband about my shape, weight, look and etc. to avoid drama at home, i did hit gym 5 times a week for 2 hrs work-out (working and going to school full-time!), watched what I ate (all these protein drinks, bars, powders, performance enhanced supplements), no alcohol (even a glass of wine on occasion), no occasional treats... I was size 4, looked good and still felt stressed, angry and unhappy about my appearance!

It lasted for few years; then I divorced, took some time off, met a new man in my life and go to the gym 3 times a week :)). became size 6, got my curves back, drink wine and get lots of compliments about my look! and we almost don't mention weight issues (although neither of us look like models).

lesson: enjoy life by staying mentally and physically active, but without unnecessary extremes. "fat talk" doesn't make a person feel better or serves as mean of reassurance about one's appearance. it's rather empty issue to talk about and in most cases rather traumatazing than helpful.

How about Option 4: I strive to treat myself with respect and not demean my intrinsic value as a human being. I recognize that I have great skill and creativity that will enable me to positively contribute to society, and that those skills have no relationship to my pant size. I am beautiful because of what I do and who I am, not because of how I look. And I choose to praise other women on their talents and accomplishments, rather than their looks, so that I show them that I can see where their value truly lies.

How many of us can truthfully "select" option 4? And how many of us are influencing others, like our children, to be able to? What the hell is wrong with our society that we don't effectively address this problem.

I'm sick to death of women constantly disempowering each other by making physical "beauty" a constant focus. The beauty industry will always be there - they aren't going to stop trying to turn people into commodities. The every day woman has to start thinking about the lies she is selling her self-esteem to pay for, and how that effects the women (and men) around her.

If you don't embrace your body for exactly what it is, and begin to value it for all the things that it does for you, no one else will. And who wants to live their life in a chronic state of dissatisfaction?

Power (and happiness) comes from self-acceptance.

I wouldn't say I'm classically beautiful -- a 6 at most when I'm walking down the street. But time and again people have told me they think I'm beautiful, and I think it comes from the confidence I have to project when I'm on-stage. The confidence I've built with that experience has spilled over into all facets of my life and my history can never be taken away from me. Singing/dancing/performing on a regular basis does wonders for the self-esteem, even though you're easily a size 6 or 8 and "only" 5' 3".

Do I look like one of those airbushed models in Cosmo? No. Do I *want* to? Heck no, I don't want to look waifish and weak; I need to look confident and like I'm in command of my life when I get up there, and I can't do that if I'm continually fasting. Sure, every once in a while I see a guy I could like with some size-0, doe-eyed girl who simpers all sorts of "how wonderful you are" platitudes to keep him around, but the "I wish I could be that tiny and be that attractive to him" moment disappears very quickly when I know I can command the attention of an entire room instead of just of one man's by my "instrument". I try to take care of my body even better than the way I would my guitars, or other equipment, because I know I can't go to Guitar Center and replace my voice or my hips with a new upgraded model. I respect my body enough to take it for what it is and know I won't ever do cosmetic plastic surgery (unless I became horribly disfigured by a tragic accident or something -- then it would be a quality of life issue, not a vanity one) because then it wouldn't be *me*. One body for life.... doing my best to treat it well with good healthy food, exercise, sleep, and joy.

Back in the day of movie classics every starlet had her own look and her own signature "thing" about her that was her trademark. I challenge every woman on here to find her own trademark, play it up, and own it through her entire life. Confidence (not arrogance) = beautiful, at any size or age.

What's horrible is when you go to get your daily dose of news and there happens to be celebrity crap on the page and you see "So and so depressed wanting to die because they ballooned to 140 lbs!" ... someone like me sees that (I am 5'6" and 140 lbs) and thinks oh my gosh am I really fat?? I must be if these people are suicidal or depressed over being my size, maybe I need to stop eating so much...and the vicious cycle begins! Thankfully I have a husband who reassures me I'm beautiful and sexy every day if not I'd probably starve to death trying to be "perfect".

More evidence that self deprecation and fishing for compliments have absolutely zero benefits to self esteem and appearance. Women take note.

have any of you people ever heard of Anorexia?i had it and i thought i was fat at 85 lbs at 5'4 and not good enough.then i smartened up when my doctor told me i had 3 months to live if that long.

i'm so sick and tired of these whackos who think they're such experts on weight. these are the kind of people who drive other people to starve themselves to death.this country has an epidemic of these whackos. i'd love to take all of these ass hole fat experts put them in a rubber room and blow them up.

i wonder if they're not part of the reason that alot of people in this countryu are obese. they probably feel,the way i did, so they either starve or eat themselves to death.i came back fighting and i'm not going to bamboozled by these whackos anymore.go screw yourselves.

Everyone is shaped different. Educate yourself on eating healthy and discipline yourself to be active with exercise or a moderate calorie burning activity and you will most likely get in tune with your body and what makes you feel good and bad. Let nature do the rest and don't obsess over what people you don't even know may think about you.

Mark, that's exactly right. My daughter once spent up to 10 hours a day asleep or in the bed (in the summer when she was off from school and while I was at work) so that she would not eat, all because someone told her she was fat. She was 12 years old and just entering young womanhood. By the time I realized what was going on and got her to a doctor, she had to be admitted to the hospital. I actually hired a "sitter" to be with her after that until she returned to school. She is now a college graduate, is 5'7" tall and weighs 119 lbs., and maintains that through proper nutrition and a regular exercise plan.

The only thing UNHEALTHY about our society is the obsession with "THIN". Young girls have died starving trying to make themselves into the image Hollywood and our society tell them. ENOUGH!

If we spent the same amount of time talking about world hunger instead of ourselves maybe we could solve both problems.

Have you guys looked at the young people in High School lately. They are overweight and proud of it.. We are now see Type II DM in young kids. If you look at the overweight girls vs the underweights, there are 5X the number overweight. Being overweight is the problem for most. I see them everyday.

This is a very sensitive topic for many women. My GF and I have chats similar to this quite often. Something that has to be clarified here is the difference between perceived fat and actual fat. For every woman it's different because your body size and shape is unique to you. Just like how some women have the coke bottle shape and others have no curves. Ever look through a magazine with a whole bunch of disgustingly thin supermodels? Do they even know that being THAT skinny is unattractive? Whoever is leading that industry needs to be fired! Instead, where are the normal healthy models or even, why is it that SI and fitness magazines are the few magazines that showcase athletic women?

My GF has helped me immensely with understanding weight loss, eating right, and a proper workout. She's someone who has lost 100 pounds and is successfully keeping it off. Her success only came after educating herself through fitness articles and actually did what they suggest.

Do any of you think some of these issues can be avoided or minimized through fitness and nutrition education? Knowing what to feed your body and how to get results through strength training and cardio?

I'm 23 and I don't have "omg I feel fat" talks because I know I'm not fat and don't need validation from anyone. My coworkers have these "fat talks" though, and I can't help but think "if you really want to lose 10 pounds, maybe you should put down the popcorn you're snacking on."

I nipped this in the bud one time with a co-worker. I worked with this young lady who wore a size 0/1. She told us she had to buy jeans in the little girls department. (The sickening thing is she had 3 kids and was 25 years old at the time, not a kid). She would always talk about how fat she was. One day, I got fed up with it, and blurted out to her, "If you think you are fat, you must think Jane (another co-worker present at the time) and I are friggin' blimps (we both wore a healthy size 8). She stammered and blustered about "no, she didn't mean to imply that... we looked great, etc. Yes, I made her very uncomfortable for a few minutes, but I never heard another word out of her again about being fat!

 Recently I took a photograph of a young woman at a WWII reenactment wearing a 1940's dress, and she was as thin as the magazine models (and most women, apparently) aspire to be.

 I later showed the photo to some of the male reenactors and the first comment from one of the guys was: "Wow, she needs to eat a few more cheeseburgers."

 In a slightly comical way, that tends to indicate the difference between the male and female perspectives on size/weight.

There is a significant difference between what women, fashion-designers, and magazine art-directors think looks good and what most of the men that I know think looks good.

I have to say, I am a bit surprised. I read these forums and threads all the time and this is the first time I have read through and not seen a bunch of douchbaggery.

I am proud of all of you for stepping up and contributing some logical thought process. It is refreshing, for certain.

I am happy to not have read a single "Fat chicks gross me out" remark from some guy with little man syndrome.

Oh for god's sake. Another "Duh!" study.