wow, you must have some healthy relationships...

Where is the survey on how many women would dump a man if he took a lower paying job (or couldn't find a job)? I am sure the men might not care but the women might have a different response. Same goes for weight.

I have seen some beautiful women with some dog ugly men but they had money.

The different sexes are looking for different benefits from a relationship.

Wow. Hubby gained weight with me during the pregnancies but we're still together. Wonder what that means... oh wait! Nothing! We're the type of people that think vows actually mean something.

The people in this study and you, dear Jolly, can kiss my fat, white <bleep>.

If a woman gains weight in a relationship, it is flat out disrespectful.

Think about it . . .

When women are single, they work very hard to look good. They work out, eat less, use more make-up, dress better . . . all an attempt to attract strangers. They actively try to look good for strangers, hoping that one of these strangers will be attracted to them and a relationship will start.

Now, if a woman gets into a relationship and lets herself go (gains weight), what type of message does that convey? Basically, she is saying that looking good for strangers was more important than looking good for the person she "loves". She put in more effort to look good for people she did not know, but decides not to put that same effort to look good for her husband/bf/whatever.

Disrespect, plain and simple.

Excessive weight gain, outside of being induced by a medical condition, is a sign that someone is weak and unwilling to take the basic steps to ensure a healthy life. Of course you should distance yourself from this sort of negativity for it will only infect you down the road.

Anyone who lacks any care or concern about their looks (again excluding a medical condition) should be left behind to wallow in their own self-pity. There is no place for that kind of malady. And this includes those numerous situations where women stress eat themselves into oblivion - that kind of weight does not qualify as a medical condition. Just pure weakness.

Nearly half of men admit they would dump the partner who ballooned, but only 20% of women. Does this prove conclusively that men are more honest than women?

Wow! Sure sounds like we have a bunch of Andrew Dice Clay types here. So we'll just "treat you like the pig that you are"! Let's see what you look like in your 40's and 50's!

Bottom line is that most men (not all) are visual creatures. We have the burden of "rising" to the occasion when aroused, unlike a woman; and visual appearance is often a key factor in arrousal.

Women consistently fail to acknowledge the mental state of men which is dictated by biology and hard-wired into our genetic code. Some men can suppress that default male sexual frame of mind, most men can't.

This depends on how many "pounds packed on".

Obesity is proven to be unhealthy regardless of men or women (and now obese children). This also puts a burden on everyone (Health Care Expenses).

Well.. there's a difference in gaining weight and gaining weight. If it's a legit health issue or "vanity weight" that's one thing.. but if it's an issue of laziness, not taking care of yourself, not caring what you eat, etc, then that's a completely different issue... perhaps many issues all balled into one.

I know that if I ever got to a point where I gained a ton of weight because I no longer cared about myself, was too lazy, too depressed all the time, no self esteem, any other number of things that can 'cause' severe weight gain [severe! not vanity lbs], my husband would probably take a second look at our relationship.. And I couldn't blame him to be honest. Because he married someone who's not lazy, has enough respect for herself to care for her body and enjoys eating yummy tasty healthy food and enjoys exercise... if I became soemthing else.. then I'm really not what he fell in love with anymore.

I think that any couple should be willing to help eachother get back on a healthy track, but if I decided that i didn't want to change to a healthy state and wanted to continue that trend, then I don't blame him for wanting someone else. I don't think there's anything wrong wtih that in any relationship.

My wife turns into a roller pig and I'm gone. I take care of my body with good diet and exercise, the least she can do is stay off the Big Mac.

Wow! What a bunch of "Shallow Hals" here!

I agree w/thoughts from Cali and Cerebrally Superior, but it works both ways. Women and MEN who work hard to look good should neither one let themselves go. I posted below that I did gain weight on purpose because of a jealous husband (the jealousy manifested its true self after the wedding), so I thought I wouldn't mind being heavier since it meant I wouldn't get any second glances, which was what pi$$ed him off so much, but it's just not in me to be a fat girl, so I'm back to losing the weight. I've always been thin, and that's where I'm most comfortable, not to mention all of my clothes are smaller and I refuse to buy bigger clothes. I've just learned to adjust my attitude and not CARE if my making the effort to look good makes him mad. He's gotten lax, but I've always taken care of myself (hair, makeup, dress), and I'm just not going to let it all go just because I'm married. Oh WELL. But I wouldn't dump him for putting on the weight he's put on. He's not huge, just not in the shape he was when we met several years ago.

I'm going out on a limb and saying alot of you guys responding here are single or divorced. So, half of the men would stay with their partner if they gained weight and the other half...really aren't men! I gained weight after my 2nd and my husband never pressured me to lose weight or made me feel less than. He let me know he was still very much attracted to me. I have lost the weight but the body is not in the perfect shape it once was and my husband doesn't seem to mind. He gained weight during the pregnancy too and now that I've lost the weight he has been working out and lifting because he jokes around that he doesn't want someone to steal me away. I let him know I am attracted to him regardless and I am...he is the sexiest man I know. Oh, and when we were dating...I made more money than him. Yep, I used to have a seriously HOT.ROCKIN.BODY but I am so glad I married a man that appreciates the sacrifice I made with my body so I could have the kids we both wanted.

I'm going out on a limb and saying alot of you guys responding here are single or divorced. So, half of the men would stay with their partner if they gained weight and the other half...really aren't men!

Your hypothesis presumes that 100% of those divorces are due to men leaving women who get fat. My ex let herself go in a big way, I never said anything about it, showed her I was attracted to her, tried to get her interested in being active, and kept myself looking good for her, all to no avail. Then she decided that all her problems in life were my fault, so a divorce would make everything wonderful. I never would have left her, and certainly not just because she had made it clear that looking good for her husband was not worth her effort.

Sometimes the character flaw actually is the woman's. Maybe 50% of women aren't women, either? Or is everything just automatically the man's fault?

Cerebrally Superior? LOL - funny!

"Overweight people should have to pay a penalty or tax to offset their cost to society."

As should dumb people...like yourself. Hope you can afford the bill.

Wow. I've never been more ashamed of the human race than in reading this thread.

Jessica -

I'm going out on a limb and saying alot of you guys responding here are single or divorced.

Sorry, sweet-cheeks . . . but you are wrong. My wife actually agrees with me, she thinks that gaining weight is disrespectful. Of course she has playboy model looks, and I have the body of Adonis, so we both benefit from that mentality. Plus we enjoy working out together and have giant mirrors next to our bed for . . . uhhhhh . . . nevermind.

Cerebrally Superior - I'm not overweight...I'm 5'9" and a size 6 but it's not a perfect body. I'm saying when the weight didn't melt off after my 2nd child my husband always made me feel very attractive.

Dave in NM - No, not everything is the man's fault but I am commenting on men who would leave their spouse just because they gained weight...I think that is shallow.

Thoughts from Cali - My husband and I run together in the mornings and I did test shots for Playboy before I found out I was pregnant with my 1st. But I breastfeed both my children so the boobs aren't what they use to be. We don't have mirrors next to the bed because we have kids and they would probably think that was weird...but we did have sex last night.

Jessica -

Sorry, but the pregnancy excuse does not fly with me. I was a successful personal trainer for many years, still certified, and I trained MANY women through their pregnancy months. Apart from severe medical conditions, the pregnancy excuse is just that . . . an excuse. I actually trained a few soap opera actresses, and I'm sure you are aware of how celebrities look through a pregnancy. Granted, not everyone can afford a trainer.

My favorite line I used to tell all my pregnant clients was: "You are not eating for 2, you are eating for 1 and 1/20th"

Thoughts from Cali - The pregnancy excuse doesn't have to fly with you...I'm just very lucky that I married a man that loves me as a whole and not for my body parts.

JessicaR

The fact you are in a happy relationship is all that matters in the end. My point is where the people who are overweight and by being so incur health problems which negatively impacts our society in terms of work days missed, health costs and increased premiums for all, etc.

On a cultural level, women enjoy the benefits of being shapely while young and for the most part, they take full advantage of it...not once do they do otherwise. Yet when age, gravity and weight sets in they move to the opposite pole and cry foul when men do not love them for what they allow themselves to become. That is downright laughable.

Athyna wrote "Wow. Hubby gained weight with me during the pregnancies but we're still together. "

If his income dropped, most women would drop him. 70% of divorces are filed by women. The average American marriage lasts six years.

Cerebrally Superior and Thoughts From Cali- I have the following condition for you regarding weight gain during pregnancy: Pre-eclampsia. It is a cause of many lost pregnancies and maternal deaths. Look it up!

A doctor with your "intellect" told me a week after I left the intensive care unit in the hospital after having my son at 32 weeks of pregnancy, leaving him in the NICU for a month, that my "fat" was going to kill me and "people like you might as well just plan your funeral because you will die soon and it's not worth my time to even bother" to treat you (an internist who was trying to help me lower my still critically high blood pressure)... and walked out of the room, ending my first and only visit with him, leaving me to find another doctor by force. A WEEK after I nearly died from a medical condition that had NOTHING to do with obesity! And no, I was not obese when I got pregnant either. I had to be put on medication for most of the time I was pregnant in order to be able to eat anything at all without losing it immediately after eating. I barely ate at all during the whole 32 weeks, so keep you self-righteous, pompous, hateful, vengeful, snide, and ridiculous comments to yourselves!!

Also, I love the fact that I proved him completely wrong. My son, born during that time, is nearly 14 now!!!!!

I'm very glad my husband has matured past the 2 year old stage and passed by kindergarten on his way to understanding that not *everything* has to revolve around me "honoring" him. I honor him every day, and struggle with my weight. I keep trying for both our sake because I want to live a healthier life, but he at least is past the cave-man stage where he "has" to have a Playboy model to be happy!!!!

@Cerebrally Superior - You should have to pay a penalty tax for your ignorance and buying into the lies of a "thin is in" society. The war against obesity has turned into a war against anyone with a BMI over 25.

No matter size, weight or shape, we are all human; we are all flawed in some way.

Being a mother does not exempt you from taking care of yourself and getting excessively fat. That's just sad.

Cerebrally Superior - Apparently, you have a severe lack of reading comprehension. You criticize JessicaR for gaining weight during her pregnancy but conveniently overlook that fact that she stated that she has lost the weight. Men like you who criticize women for gaining weight during pregnancy have never experienced pregnancy and you never will, so you have no right to criticize women who have been pregnant.

What I find so ironic is that the men who criticize women the most for not having perfect bodies usually have huge beer guts and are bald. Perhaps they should take a long look in the mirror before passing judgement on others.

Many on here are saying that they would leave a woman if she gained weight because she "stopped taking care of herself" and being thin was part of the package they married. Almost as if they were betrayed.

Yet, how many guys stop taking their wives out on dates, stop telling her she looks nice, or just plain stops courting her just because they are now married. this too was part of it all.

Sometimes it works both ways.

On a cultural level, women enjoy the benefits of being shapely while young and for the most part, they take full advantage of it...not once do they do otherwise. Yet when age, gravity and weight sets in they move to the opposite pole and cry foul when men do not love them for what they allow themselves to become. That is downright laughable.

Cerebrally Superior - your attitude is what is downright laughable. I would guess that you are under the age of 30. You have many, many unpleasant surprises in front of you as you age, the vast majority of which are completely outside of your control. You aren't going to be able to do a thing about your receding hairline. You are going to lose muscle mass no matter how much you workout. Your boobs are going to sag just like a woman's breasts sag, etc., etc., etc. It would be interesting to hear your viewpoint on this topic after you reach the age of 70+.

Lets be clear: women are just as shallow as men on this issue. It was the definitions that were skewed. If women were asked what they would do if their mate lost height the numbers would have been different. As a "vertically challenged" male I can conclusively state, from both experience and looking up the academic studies, that women have absolute height standards that are more inflexible than men's weight standards. We actually like a girl with some "good thickness".

Sadly, height is not a health issue, where as obesity is a killer.

The fact that there is an argument over this is sad.

If a man says he will dump a partner, they're obviously not married, many are young, and have no true grounded bonds for remaining. Most men that are married for years have created a bond and true love, therefore the person matters to them. And if a man loves his wife, shows her and she feels that love, she usually will not gain weight, especially if she knows he loves her and her body, and that's very important to him and their love life.

Most people eat because of emotional issues, stresses in relationships/life, pain, and food has become their lover and friend. So if you love that person, show them and they will more than likely want to please you and go the extra mile to show you in return, and for a woman that's usually her trying to look her best for the man.

So men, be positive, love her, uplift her and you'll keep those sexy results. Try it because it usually works!!!

@jollyjoker~~~You must have missed Rosanne Barr's movie She Devil. She lost her weight after he mistreated her and left her for Meryl Streep and Rosanne ended up happier than he did. HaHaHaHa

I hate to admit this, but my boyfriend knows that I expect he remain fit.

I keep in shape and he knows to stay in shape. That's not an unrealistic expectation, and gives both of us a better chance at a long and healthy life together.

As long as you're looking at it as a life choice for health, I think it's perfectly okay to maintain expectations of reasonable body condition.

Thoughts from Cali

You and your twat wife have simply got to be 2 of the shallowest, egotistical, self-centered pieces of trash on the planet.

I've known people like you that have lost their looks in accidents and their lives completely fell apart because they lacked the strength of character to look beyond their physical bodies for happiness.

One even committed suicide because she could no longer "deal with not being pretty."

I pitied her shallowness. Vanity kills, pure and simple.

Good luck with being you..

Ok, to a certain extent I can agree with the folks who say it's wrong to gain a lot of weight once married (or in a relationship). Whether we like it or not, physical appearance is important and if you engaged someone in a relationship looking one way, only to change it significantly down the line, you can't expect the attraction to be as strong as it once was. I am actually more inspired to work out when I'm in a relationship because the idea of looking great for my partner is motivating to me.

I don't think the disrespect associated with those comments is necessary, though. I'm surprised to hear that Thoughts from Cali is a trainer - most trainers are more sensitive to these issues...

it's a common thing for people to get married in their 20s and then be disappointed when their partner doesn't make any lifestyle changes to keep their weight down. YOUR METABOLISM WON'T BE HERE FOREVER PEOPLE!!!!!

If you truly love a person you will love more than just their body it's true. However, you can't be happy in a marriage without sex, and who wants to have sex with The Blob??? Unfortunately women have a much higher tolerance for heavier men, and so that's why middle-aged fat men feel they can still get the young hot women they leave their wives for.

If you love your spouse, try to look your best for them. You won't have to work as hard on your marriage if attraction is still there.

Many of us who married young when we had killer metabolism and tons of energy and were so thin our hip bones showed through our clothes have gained weight as we have had our families and our metabolism has slowed and our lives don't allow us to just drop every thing and take off for a 20 mile bike ride. I lost all my baby weight after the kids were born, but saw my weight begin to creep as I got into my late 30's and 40's and once I took a desk job it crept up faster. I don't have any buldges but I am not the extremely slender girl my husband married, and he is glad. The weight I have gained keeps my face from being too thin, makes me look younger than my 52 years, makes people think my granddaughters are my daughters. I don't mind that my husband has hair growing out of his ears that I have to trim, he doesn't mind that I am a little softer than I once was. Love and marriage has more to do with change than consistancy. Skin that once was smooth will some day wrinkle waists get wider, but love, if it is real will endure.

My wife actually agrees with me, she thinks that gaining weight is disrespectful. Of course she has playboy model looks, and I have the body of Adonis, so we both benefit from that mentality.

I can't even imagine the size the front door on your house must be in order for your heads to fit through. I really hope you're being facetious....but somehow I'm thinking not.

...Unlike women, men can't lay there & 'fake it'...so if looking at you doesn't inspire us in any way, there is no way for us to convince our penis to co-operate just to make you feel better about your growing dimensions.

If you want a relationship where porn and thinking about other women is the glue that keeps me there, then something is wrong with your head.

@ 1.2

Where is the survey on how many women would dump a man if he took a lower paying job (or couldn't find a job)?

My husband lost his job as a construction worker during the recession in the late 1970s/early 1980s and I just continued to work and supported both of us. He was very critical towards his situation. I never criticized him as I believed he was doing the very best he could. So you are WRONG!!! Some women care about the personality and heart of a man, not how he looks or how much he makes! ~sigh~ You think we are all gold diggers?

I guess the whole conversation here really proves one thing...the question is loaded. There are far too many variables (amount of weight gain, time, relationship quality, childbirth, circumstances, etc) to have a one-size-fits-all answer.

Yep, loaded like a baked potato.

Baked potato. I'm hungry.

A model?? The average Joe, even if he does work out every day isn't going to get a model unless YOU are Tom Brady. Guys always think they are better looking than they really are..lol

Tinlou I know I am not all that, I am so lucky to have the woman I have. These guys that are typing the nonsense are just giving their hands a break from the normal activities.

lol!!!

You sir are what's wrong with humanity today. Congratulation.

In other news, 50% of men and 20% of women are superficial jerks... You know, if your partner suddenly gains 40 lbs, that isn't a bait and switch. It's more likely a serious health problem of some sort, either physical or mental. Nobody suddenly gains 40lbs for no reason, and few people do it on purpose.

Actually, I think most people gain weight because they eat too much and don't eat healthy food. Sure, there are those with medical conditions, but you can't ignore the fact that processed foods are the real culprit. They're easy to access, you can eat a lot and not feel full, and in 6 months you can be happily overweight.

So, if you aren't actively watching what you eat and making healthy choices, are you "accidentally" getting fat? I think not.

Now, if you want to talk about why people overeat, that's another post...

You know, if your partner suddenly gains 40 lbs, that isn't a bait and switch. It's more likely a serious health problem of some sort

In the case of my ex, the "serious health problem" was sitting on the couch eating frosting from the can, while refusing to go join me in any active pursuits (we played tennis when we were dating). Classic bait and switch.

And yet it was not I who ended the relationship. Counting the two fantastic kids, the divorce makes three things for which I'm eternally grateful to her.

Brad, God luv ya! That made my day! Too effin funny!

ding ding....we have a winner! (jdillydawg)

Mechanical Escape - or I'll swap you out for a more fit model.

As the saying goes, "got two twenties for a forty."

Why thank. Thank you very much. You're too kind. Really, I'm not deserving of such a fine award. This is too much. I'm overwhelmed. First, I'd like to thank the Academy...

There's nothing stating how much weight. If a woman puts on one or two pounds, who cares? I can vary 5 pounds from one day to the next.

Even if a woman puts on 10 pounds, is that over a year, over 10 years?

I might leave a woman that puts on 100 or 150 pounds, but not for 10 or 20. Over 100 and you got to think there's something else wrong other than just weight.

Also, they did not state where the weight was being put on. I don't mind a little more in the hips and butt. Where she gains weight might make a difference.

@tonyindallas I appreciate your comment. however, it's impossible to control where the weight ends up. You can tone certain areas but, sadly, you can't target specific spots for losing weight. That's my greatest frustration! Size 6 pants with a 2-4 waist - I always end up with that funny gap in the back of my jeans!

ME has sort of a point, I guess...

However if you can switch out one woman for another so quickly then the relationship obviously didn't have too much meaning in the first place. YOU won't look good forever either so you might wanna start working on getting a "model" with a deeper connection.

Having said that, some people (women especially) don't know about how their metabolism affects their body over time. So this overnight 40lbs gain that you speak of shouldn't just be seen as intentional. That's not a fair statement. People have to change their lifestyle as they get older.

Maybe you should just refuse to date a woman in her 20s that isn't already working out and eating right, because if you are so smart, then you should have known she would balloon up after hitting 30 or having kids! Part of the blame is on you in that scenario, my friends.

I bet the majority of the people on these boards are getting offended at this fact, most likely because they're just a wee bit chunky.

We all know the stats, most of America is fat. Just because that's true doesn't mean guys (or gals) need to accept it in their partner. Chemistry is important, but when your guy (or gal) gets to the point they need a Jabba the hut sled to move around Walmart, that's a problem. If they form an "abdominal apron", that's a problem.

Nobody wants to be with a fat person. End of story. And even though this attitude may change over time (i.e. 30 years, because the human body does wonderous things with age), when you're still young and have a pick of the world, why settle? Nobody cranks one out to a picture of that fat chick from Precious.

And as for marriage, well, it's the same tell tale things for guys and gals. Women: 1) Get fat, 2) Butch their hair 3) Stop having sex. Guys: 1) Get fat, 2) Grow facial hair 3) Whine about sex.

Simple solution, you want to stay a commodity among people your age, stay in shape, and MOST importantly, turn on your partner, don't get fat.

Anyone that get's turned on by fat people typically can categorize that infatuation under a fetish (and those are some weird ones).

As for the fatties, well, fat people need love too...but they gotta pay for it.

PH, I didn't really finish my thought about where the weight goes (had to get back to work). I've dated a few women that were bust heavy with no hips. I'm just not attracted to that frame. I would rather have a smaller bust with a little more hip. Proportion is better (hourglass), but not realistic in most women.

Of course, a nice smile and shining eyes go a long way to mask a lot of those body "flaws".

@Tony - Glad to hear it!

I used to envy the rail thin type - you know, size 0, flat all around. Mostly because they get to wear the best clothes. No matter how hard I worked out though I just couldn't get there.

For women, body type definitely provides the framework for size. Men like big breasts and nice butts, but most don't understand the amount of work it takes to keep that type of figure slim. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it's not going to be done by cutting out a few hundred calories and taking a walk around the block every day.

I wouldn't trade my figure in for anything, but between running and yoga I HAVE to work at it every day. I wonder, for the guys who say they would leave their wives, are you helping them find the time for hour-long workouts multiple times per week? Will you watch the baby, or make dinner, while your wife hits the gym? Are you eating pizza for dinner, but expecting your wife to have a salad? Because if you aren't stepping up to the plate to free up some time for your wife, or eat healthfully with her, it's just as much your fault as hers.

Well, my ex-wife left me and our 3 year old to go "date". I changed more diapers than she did the first month, and held him while cleaning throw up sheets while she was gagging in the next room.

My current girlfriend eats all the time. She's not heavy, but she's not thin (as in stick figure). But she's a bundle of energy and burns a lot of calories just being her. She was a bit heavier before I knew her, but she's been on Weight Watchers maintenance since I've known her.

Don't worry about being a size 0. Some women look good in it, many don't. The same hairstyle doesn't look good on every woman and the same 'size' doesn't look good on every woman, either. Find what looks good for you and work it, whether it's thick or thin thighs or short or long hair.

I dont even want to know what you mean by gagging in the next room, but I'm sorry to hear it. Sounds like you're onwards and upwards though.

Weight Watchers is an awesome program! My parents are older (60) and started on it together about six months ago and have lost 50 pounds between the two of them already! Very easy to maintain and they don't have to give up their favorite foods! :-)

Congrats to your parents.

Gagging was due to not being able to smell the throw up. Just glad it did not happen while she was alone with him. But, he graduated this year, so on to the maybe college, maybe work, maybe play guitar all day stage.

Exact same situation here sister. I feel your pain!

I don't think the article is talking about an extra 10 or 20 "comfy" pounds that some people put on when married. I think most people could still find their partner attractive with an extra 10 or 20 (depending on the size they started out at least).

Once you start pushing 30/40/50lbs though I personally think there is going to be some serious decline in physical attraction that will negatively affect the physical part of the relationship. If both parties are ok with that then all should be well...but if the fit person wants the physical aspect and just can't find their partner attractive i'm not going to look down on them.

Of course this is all situational. If two large people get together then a bunch of extra weight probably isn't going to matter...I'm more talking about someone who isn't attracted to fat and marries a fit person and their spouse gains a bunch of weight.

I would leave him . . . what does it say that he does not want to look good for you, the woman he "loves".

But I am biased, because my wife and I have date nights at the gym. It's actually a nice way to bond.

Do not blame your hubby for you becoming fat and unattractive. If the man in your life likes to snack then show a little self-discipline and refrain from stuffing your mouth. It's that simple.

Exactly. I'd have 2 Oreos, and my ex would eat the rest of the package. Did I want more? Of course! I just knew I didn't need it.

A woman person [who] does not care for [his or] her looks is not a woman person who will make a good life partner.

FTFY

Dave in NM

Thanks for the word change! Well done and without being nasty.

Thanks for saying so, CS. I can only take the position I am taking here because I acknowledge that I owed (and gave) my ex the same degree of care for my appearance that she owed (and did not give) me for hers. People owe their partners some basic effort, regardless of gender.

You're making as much sense here today as you are ruffling feathers. Good show.

/popcorn

Umm YOU are a loser... I did not blame my hubby, Actually he is the chubby one and I am the one who has lost weight and has actually done something about it. As I look back I am blaming nobody but I did have a bit of mild depression that I didn't realize contributed as well at the time. To say those that gain weight are lazy or weak just shows how Cerebrally UNSUPERIOR YOU ARE.

tinlou45

Redundancy is an affliction I avoid at all cost...so I urge you to look at my comments in post #1.5 above. I specifically exclude medical conditions from this discussion although I question if "mild depression" qualifies as an excuse to pack on the extra pounds.

A woman that does not care for her looks is not a woman who will make a good life partner.

Cerebrally Superior - how would you know since you obviously have no life partner?

I can absolutely guarantee, tinlou45, that if your "chubby hubby" became significantly shorter in stature (not a euphemism, I'm being literal) by, lets say 6-8 inches, you would bolt. The difference: weight can actually be controlled, height is set after puberty.

Which is more shallow?

@tinlou45~~~You are pure in what you say and show love for your husband. I wouldn't leave him either because one day when he looks at you looking your best and he's unfortunately starting not to feel so good. He's going to get up and probably pass you up, which men will do often. Sometimes in marriages it takes one to set that example and you've begun that.

Yeah. It's always a good idea to consider the source of research studies and surveys. The readership of AskMen and Cosmopolitan are a skewed sample of the male and female U.S. citizens at best.

h meet I

HI

Awesome.

Wow. Cave-speak! Fantastic- :)

hehe!

If your “love” is simply “lust” then dump the person, but if you truly love them, then you stay, if I had a mate that was that superficial then good riddance.

I wouldn't want my husband to gain weight, which he hasn't. But if he did it would be ok because he has a well proportioned shape.

I can see why some things could be an issue. Now if your mate is shaped like a barrel, I would suggest to them to not gain weight for appearance sake, in a loving way. Or if they're shaped like a chicken and 2 little legs, that wouldn't be too good, or a bottle (starts small at the top and expands) Or no-neck, still no reason for divorce.

Now if they have BOOTY-DOO that's stretching it. That means, more stomache than their booty do. But some think of irreconcilable differences, which will not work in a court of law stating, "Your Honor, in the middle of intimacy our bodies can't come to an agreement of meeting together in the same areas anymore". But still no cause for divorce. HaHaHa

I love that. It makes it that much more enjoyable and somewhat easier when you can do it together. It's like trying to quit smoking when your partner won't..you just have to do it for yourself no matter what.

If it works for you, it does, and that is great; it's certainly better than sharing the ho-hos on the couch (YUCK!).

However, would that change if something happened that you weren't expecting (say, my pregnancy that was unexpectedly difficult- see my earlier post)? Would there be forgiveness and encouragement without nasty or negative comments? If not, why not? No need to answer my questions publicly on this forum, just food for thought....

There is always, or should be, allowances for being preggers. It is totally natural and necessary to gain weight when pregnant. But if it turns into an excuse to have a significantly different body shape for perpetuity, that is a legitimate issue for a man to be concerned with.

Like Judge Judy says "Beauty fades but dumb is forever"...better to marry someone who has a nice personality and is intelligent rather than just good looking. In time it will fade and you will be left with someone you can't talk to or have fun with.

As much as I disdain nastiness, it does not hurt to encourage a healthy lifestyle in a loving way. If you work on being healthy, and take definitive action, then is there really a problem?

Miskaffon, I am thin, I cycle 10 miles a day, I do upper and lower body work out and my health is worse than that of a fat man eating a baconator. Just saying. I never said my wife wasn't healthy, she has just added some pounds since we have met.

That was nice.

Sounds as though you do work on yourself, Brad...does she? Either way, if you are both happy, more power to you! :)

Smart man Matt, I like your response.

Well-said, Matt! Thank you!!!

But what if your wife is not your other half, what if she is your other 3/4th?

Thank you Matt!

The number of shallow people on this site is quite revealing. I suppose the best thing to do is ask whomever one is dating if appearances are what it's all about. If it is, dump him. And dump him hard. Kick him to the curb. (I say him, but the door swings both ways.) Relationships are not built on appearances; they are built on love, trust, respect, caring and all those other things that really matter. A visual aspect is so fleeting, that it is ridiculous to consider.

I suppose the first facial wrinkle or gray hair will be the next key to the total failure of relationship. Wow, just plain shallow ( and worthless). I would much rather be with a fat, loving, caring spouse/signifcant other than some skinny stick who could care less about my feelings and future.

No her physical appearance is what made me notice her in the beginning, her mentality is what made me marry her. What if the spouse is in an accident facial scars or a medical issue causes weight gain... Nah I am not that shallow.

Isn't America awash in enough human blubber?

Fat people are superb for making excuses explaining their indolent ways.

What kind of soap?

Pete- it is a soap made of shallow vision, snide, self-righteousness, hate, and immaturity. Leaves a person wrinkled, bitter, and ultimately likely to be very much alone in life.

NEVER touch another man's fries.

But what if HE'S the fry thief? And for that matter, never touch a woman's dessert. :)

Seriously, I put on weight on purpose after we were married because, while he liked my figure, he didn't like other men looking at it and would blame ME for it, and it pi$$ed me off so I gained weight so that I wouldn't have to deal with his stupid jealousy anymore. And don't you know, so did he (gain weight), though not for the same reason. He was a body builder, and I really, really enjoyed his build, but I guess once we got married he thought he didn't have to try anymore. *sigh* So now I'm working to get the weight off so I can feel comfortable in my clothes again. We're not talking a hundred pounds, or even 50, but it's more than 20 (though I'm down to needing to lose only another 15). At least I know he won't dump me for gaining weight. Hard to criticize someone when you've done the exact same thing.

Know what? Think is really attractive when a woman gets motivated and works out. Also enjoy the company of a woman confident in herself. Not trying to earn man of the year award but think is mean and insensitive to manipulate a woman's self esteem to compensate for my own insecurity. Live and learn though right? Good job getting the extra weight off. Feels good doesn't it?

As to the french fry boundary, try eating with your arms guarding your food and just growl when he reaches in to snag a fry. Give a firm NO and then distract and divert his attention. If that doesn't work, try a squirt bottle.

Cavey- if it is THAT big a deal, what the heck are YOU ordering fries for anyway? Just to shove it in your wife/date/girlfriend's face that whatever you do is fine because of who you are, but heaven help a woman who doesn't order fries herself, but should get your venom for wanting one?

I have to echo another poster here: better to look in the mirror to find the true source of most of life's problems.

Yup. :)

That one words says you care only for YOUrself. I would imagine you spend a LOT of time alone....

Really? I don't imagine that at all. Not for you or me or anyone. If having to make your own choices means not ordering fries, eating mine won't help.

You might need to talk to a therapist. You seem to have real anger issues.

Glad you finally put yourself out of her misery.

Dang Rich....16 years with this type person...she couldn't have been to bad. Me thinks you are stretching the truth a little.

lol that was funny, although really quite sad....

This sounds more like a real abuse case; there are at least two sides to every argument. I'm guessing there is FAR more to this "story" than what is being said here....

Wish there was more of a story, but there wasn't! Was too much of a catholic which I am not anymore. Catholic priest when he found out the way things were 12 years after i got divorced,(yes all family didnt know either) (lived the lie , Joined the jokes) wanted me to go for annulment, but wasnt worth the problem. Like he said, sex is important in a marriage, like a foundation is to a house, if the foundation crumbles the house falls down.

to the jerks whom think this is a joke, try again, have been single now for 23 years after i walked out.

So to you"s whom enjoyed your wedding night, your honey moon, all the times you spent in hotels, good for you, it was separate rooms for me, so yes i am still scard and changed, and yes i hve children, all planned, like a bull, only needed when wanting a kid. How many would have lived in this @!$%#?? Expressing myself at least makes me feel better!!

By the way, a nun is a woman. You may want to look at yourself before you decide to try another relationship. Being a bitch can go both ways and you seem really hateful.

Talk all u want, today you have internet, sex therapists, open sex talk, try turning back the clock 39 years. It wasnt freely talked about,. I know a nun is a woman, and nun's in more cases have sex than my nun.

Answer some questions, BRAD, how many times did you make love to your wife in the first year? Can't answer it, can u? Try 5? Try 16? ICAN!! And you don't think I should be angry with myself or the thing i married. HA HA. Didnt mention others!! Now did I?

You seem like a sour person, maybe they're reasons your exwife wouldn't have sex with you. Sometimes we need to look in the mirror and quit putting the blame on others. I know I had some issues and yes they were mine and I wasn't so pleasant to be around and the wife wasn't willing to show the affection. I seeked help got and wow what a sex life we have now... Just a thought for you to ponder on.

Real good, Brad, I tried to go to get help but you can't take a ass to water and make them drink!! What should have been done was I should have went to the bar, instead of church, and kicked her ass to the curb! But no, hoped she would changed, but it never did.

I sure hope you don't have children together! If you do, how sad for them.

Oops! I guess I didn't read all the posts. Again, I'll say.....how sad for your children. And how sad for you that you are stuck being a victim. I hope you find a way out of your bitterness, so maybe you can enjoy the rest of your life.

I said maybe, so I got it covered either way