Hey Jack, how many women do you know named Steve? Also, are you immune to sarcasm?

Maybe--are you bulking up as well as losing fat percentage, or just losing fat percentage? I have known guys who were extremely thin--one was tall and lanky, the other was a bodybuilder. Both worked out, but the thin guy never really bulked up. It's all in the body type.

Sorry, but sub-5% is a very stupid goal. Pro Bodybuilders are able to do it, but they use things like Anavar or Winstrol to preserve lean body mass while at a caloric deficit. The lower the bodyfat goes, the more the body will fight to preserve bodyfat at the expense of muscle. Sure, you can run a keto diet indefinitely, but why? I also have to wonder, if you get to 5%, will you be happy then? I just finished an online transformation contest, so I know what it's like to diet and run hydrate/dehydrate cycles. I can also bench close to 300.

If I may ask, how tall are you and how much do you weigh?

What your coworkers did was in extremely bad taste to say the least; on equal level with calling someone fat to their face and then giggling about it with a cohort. If it was reversed, they'd see how inappropriate and downright mean their comments were.

Nonetheless, if you're doing it for yourself, it shouldn't matter if people are complimenting you or not. As a matter of fact, I don't think it appropriate to comment on a coworker's physique, unless because of an obvious and public effort to loose weight, or unless we'd had personal conversations about their efforts at physical fitness. Even then, such comments should be made in private. In general, IMO, while it's okay for such conversations to take place among friends, it's out of place in a work environment. And I suspect that if they considered you a friend, they wouldn't have been so insensitive in the first place .

I find it interesting that while you were upset about them remarking on your thinness, you had no compuntion about calling them fat. I would say that both parties here have body issues.

I am 5'7" and weigh less than 100 pounds. I gained 30 pounds when caryying my daughter (born in 1981) and lost 40. Then i got mono and lost 10 more (1986). I have never been back to my fighting weight, despite all kinds of tests and diets. Some extremely rude people don't think twice before telling me that I am the skinniest person they have ever seen. Would they say the opposite to a fat person? It's all I can do not to say "It's the chemo" because I don't want to joke about something so serious (or tempt fate!) I told one woman at work, who could not stop jabbing me about my weight, that someday I'll probably gain some, but she would always be a rude pig. She was built like a refrigerator but had no problem telling me that I should gain some weight or someone else that they should get their hair cut.

Has it occurred to you that you were called anorexic because that's how you actually look? A body fat level of 5% or less is that unhealthy as to warrant worry about you from anyone and everyone who sees you. Eating disorders are NOT confined only to women, and it sounds as though you are suffering from one. See your doctor to make certain that you haven't already destroyed your long-term health, and see a shrink about your aberrant body image.

It doesn't matter if he does or doesn't look anorexic: There is no place for people to call others names or laugh about it with a buddy. If these coworkers were truly concerned for his health and felt close enough to talk to him about it, they would have instigated a private conversation. The comments were mean-spirited; there's simply no other way to frame it.

BillyWilly, getting your body fat down to 5% is commendable but you want to be super careful that your not losing muscle mass at the same time. That means having a clear understanding of good dietary principles and staying aware of just what it is your consuming at all times.

Further, work with a good sports nutritionist (the real deal!) who can insure you maintain that muscle mass.

I think some people just don't know the depth of this kind of a weight loss.

I had endocarditis, pneumonia along with a few other issues, and lost 20-lbs the first week I was in the hospital, and another 5, or 6 lbs the following week. That is not a good way to loose weight. I was very thin, and friends told me I looked good for having been so sick, but they said 'don't lose any more weight!' I wasn't heavy to begin with, so 26-lbs is a HUGE amount under those circumstances. Over the past couple of years, I have slowly gained that weight back. Hopefully I won't have that experience again.

So friends told you you looked good, but not to lose any more weight?

How sad that people have such a narrow window of what's "too fat" or "too thin" and judge others accordingly.

Appearance, not substance, is apparently what we value, even in our friends and family.

I took a very different meaning from that story.

They said she looked good for having been so sick and then went on to say that she shouldn't lose anymore. To me, it sounded like they were concerned losing anymore would be bad for her health, not her looks.

You are probably right...

She needs to get new friends. I'm surprised that the men she is around also said this - I get compliments from men when I gain weight, even if I think I'm a little heavy.

Read the beginning post in this thread again, and please use your reading comprehension skills when you do so. Her friends didn't say that that she looked good, but that she looked good for someone who had been so very sick. They also advised her to not lose any more weight. AKA, they showed that they were and are concerned about her. She doesn't need to leave these friends. But we all of us need friends like the ones that she has.

You should have told the woman what your secret was. I would like to know what her reaction would have been.

Our society is so totally looks-absorbed that people who make comments about others' weight are so brainwashed that they believe it is acceptable.

I agree with Tina. You could have said "I have AIDS. Want me to share?

That would shut them the hell up fast. Ignoring them won't get the point across. They will externalize it and just think you are rude or antisocial. Call them on their rudeness and teach them a lesson.

Many people aren't self-aware enough to know when they are being insensitive morons.

Don't worry Jack - some people aren't even aware enough to recognize sarcasm

I too lost weight when I was sick, and I hated it. I also went to my so called idea weight, 125 (at 5 ft. 1) and I hated the way I looked. I had people tell me that I looked too skinny and they were right. I looked horrible. I did manage to gain weight back and I am very comfortable in my body. I think the whole problem is that the BMI is incorrect for a lot of people, and just because someone may be fat (I'm not talking obese) does not mean that they are unhealthy.

You are so right, my weight gain, 70 pounds in about 2 years, from prednisone and hormones. It's discouraging enough when your clothes just won't fit anymore, we don't need to be reminded of the newest diet and how walking can improve things. There's a reason I look this way, and I don't like it anymore than the next person. A friend of mine just went through an ordeal that caused her to lose. What a dear! Thanks for reminding people there are two sides to the situation, lose or gain!

About thirty years ago, I lost weight even though I was eating. After I gave birth, I had skipping heart beats, diarrhea, shortness of breath, general numbness, and great fatigue, and I kept losing weight. My husband was very supportive and concerned that I was so sick: I was only 105 lbs. (and I have a large frame; every rib stuck out; my arms were like sticks). My own mother kept telling me how great I looked, and wasn't it nice. I took antihistimines, and lots of vitamins (such as B5 and potassium), and slowly felt better and gained back some weight after about 3 years. But my mother told me that I looked terrible (even though I felt much better). My husband was glad that I had gained some weight and strength. Since that time I found out that I had an autoimmune disease that resembles rheumatoid arthritis. A few years ago, my mother was still telling people that I was actually pretty before I became fat, but by then she had dementia, so it really was just funny to me. But thirty years ago, it hurt.

I have seen both sides of the spectrum-loss and gain- due to my stomach not functioning properly. When I was first diagnosed, I lost about 20lbs in the first month alone, then averaged another 3-5 lbs in the following months. There were a few stable months in between, but over the course of that first year, I lost roughly 50-55 lbs total. And while it looked good on me (I had gained close to the same amount several years before due to another flare up), it's not the way to lose weight. Unable to eat due to pain and nausea, and in most with my condition, vomiting.

I had one co-worker specifically who was constantly telling me how good the weight loss looked. Then when I was about 30 lbs down, she said "You need to stop losing". Really??If I could have, I would have. I eventually just had to tell her to shut up, I didn't want anymore compliments or criticisms from her.

Now, thanks to having an effective treatment, at least so far, I am able to eat regular foods again. However, with my body running on so little for 2 years (500-700 calories a day, average), my body holds on to everything. Since my latest adjustment the end on May, I have gained back roughly 20-25 lbs of the weight I lost.

Of course, that means all new clothes. And multiple sizes since I tend to bloat now, which didn't happen before. It took a while to get used to my body before, now I have to get used to it again. However, I look at the gain as an "insurance policy" against any future flares. This way, I have a little room before they start talking artificial nutrition.

My biggest issue now is that I lost sooooo much muscle over the last 2 years that it makes work hard (I have a physically demanding job), and the stamina just isn't there yet.

I'm short and overweight. According to my BMI, I'm considered obese. Although I admit that part of it is my own fault, the BMI chart/formula does not take in to account things like heavier bones, muscle mass, and (in my case) a large chest. To prepare for my wedding several years ago, I went on a diet and exercise program. I worked my way down to under 1000 calories a day, and worked my way up to 3 miles of walking a day. I was able to drop down on the BMI chart from 'obese' to 'overweight', but had no energy left for the day after my exercise session.

I weigh close to 20 pounds more now, but I can easily carry 50 pounds of squirming children up two flights of stairs to our apartment. (I do usually have to catch my breath if I'm also carrying an additional 50? pounds in groceries too.) I also have plenty of energy to walk the dog, play with the kids, etc every day.

I could certainly eat a little healthier, but I won't ever drop down to that little food again. I'd rather be a little heavier and feel much better.

According to my weight/height chart, I should be ten feet tall...

@ Laura, where were you when we were looking for why I was losing and gaining? I initally gained a lot of weight due to gastroparesis about 8 years ago. My primary straight out told me "You can't be eating that little and be gaining" It took a while, but he realized I wasn't fooling around. The lowest I got was to 155, which to me, looks healthier on me than the 135 I should be by the chart. Of course, now I'm back up again, but am thankful for that initial gain so long ago. It helped keep me from needing artificial nutrition through all my treatment attempts. Now I have a stimulator, which while not perfect, allows me to eat a much larger variety of food than before. My blood levels are much better than before, and the energy, strength and stamina are ever so slowly coming back.

I hope you're being sarcastic because 108 lbs seems pretty normal for someone who is 5'3''.

At 5'3", 108 lbs. is a totally healthy BMI of 19.1. She could weigh as little as 104 lbs. and still be within the healthy range for her height.

These days it seems like most people have forgotten what a normal weight-for-height is. I'm 5' 2.5", weigh 111-112 lbs. and frequently get comments about supposedly being "too skinny". I'm just right for my height, thank-you-very-much!

Weight also depends on bone structure. My cousin is 5'3" and 109 lbs. She's "big boned" and therefore looks emmaciated. No curves, no boobs, no butt. I have no idea why any man would find this attractive. Maybe that's why she's been single all of her life.

Better to be thin than to be loved, right ladies?

Yep, that's right, it's all about what's on the outside./sarc

I get so sick and tired of people ragging on petite women who are near the 100lb mark. It would be cause for concern if this was a woman 5'6" or 5'10" and was 110lb. A size 0 and 2 is a normal size for a woman... IF YOU ARE PETITE.

My daughter is 5'2" weighs 106 , she doesnt look anorexic, she looks healthy. She has plenty of body fat, no bones showing .

This story is sick, what do people want from women in society, a rack of bones. " My, how nice you look with your backbone showing, I think I can count the vertebre ". I cant imagine not realizing someone is sick, there are usually tell tell signs, around the eyes, a persons color.

Weight and BMI mean nothing - body composition is what counts. If you're 5'4 and weigh 105 and have a body fat percentage of 20%, you're fine. If you're 5'4 and weigh 135 and have a body fat percentage of 20%, you are ALSO fine.

Some people have big bone structure and more muscle mass, what counts is fat/lean percentage and 18-22% is fine for a young woman.

Fawn, that is true. I am 5'1 and I am petit. I now weight about 140, but this is the thing, I am black. I am not obese. I am big boned. My chest is big, but it does not hurt me (like it did when I weighed more) and it is my real chest. I used to weight 216 at my heaviest. When I was 125, which is the normal for my heights, but I was way too skinny, and looked like I was starving myself. This is why I have a problem with the BMI because it DOES NOT take into account that there are different body types at all. Some people look good being 106, some don't.

Crimson Wife, I know how you feel. I'm 5'1'' and weigh about 100 lbs and get comments about being anorexic or too skinny all the time. Pretty annoying.

hope you cut off ties with all those that though you looked better sick than healthy!

Sounds like they were trying to make you feel better about looking ill. While it's usually inappropriate to comment on someone's physical appearance, quick, drastic changes are hard to ignore. They know you realize the changes that treatment for cancer cause are apparent, and sometimes people feel that to ignore it would be insensitive. Just sayin. Commenting on weight loss has a history of being a compliment; they were probably falling back on an old habit in their search for something kind to say, rather than purposefully ignoring the reason for your weightloss.

I can relate to that alright! They gave me plenty of steroids -which I know was the reason for the gain. Now try and get that off!

I guess all of us who have battled the loss or gain should be relieved we are still here.

My condolences.

Those folks who told her how nice she looked were obviously so brainwashed by our society that they probably thought they were giving her some comfort.

My condolence. I have a benigh pancreatic cyst and need to be checked every year. Pray to God not to turn into cancerous. It is the most deadly.

I'm sorry for your loss. You made a comment here that people need to think before they speak. I say that to my family on a regular basis and try to remember to do the same. My exact words are "Think before you speak". I think our filters get skewed over time by the inundation of pop culture and the media and we tend to forget to speak mindfully. We then say inappropriate and hurtful things without realizing that we are not actually complimenting or making an intelligent comment.

Spread the word people, time to start a new movement...Think Before You Speak!!!

My dad is fighting cholangiocarinoma, losing weight like crazy, no muscle left, he looks pitiful and the pain is a dailey battle, up dosage every two weeks. I am very sorry about your wife, I am sure you are thankful she no longer has to endure the pain asscoiated with these cancers.

My condolences. My wife has battled chronic pancreatitis for the past 7 years. She lost 40 pounds the first two months and has since gradually lost 40 more. She consoles herself with being able to get into smaller jeans, but that is just to find a silver lining for the almost-constant pain.

My condolences to you for your loss. My husband has stage 3C cancer, and the dietician has reminded him to eat enough so that he doesn't lose weight. Cancer cells absorb all the nutrients first; they are like tape worms that take everything out of the body, and then the healthy cells in the body can starve. He has managed (almost) to maintain weight, after losing 60 pounds in the first 3 months after diagnosis and surgery, and he is on chemo therapy now.

I can remember a time 30 years ago when I lost a lot of weight (and nobody could figure it out, but since that time they've found out that I have a form of autoimmune illness similar to rheumatoid arthritis). My own mother kept telling me how great I looked, when I was emaciated, weak, tired, numb, with skipping heartbeats and an inability to digest anything. When I took certain B vitamins and potassium and started feeling better and gained some weight, my mother told me and anybody else she was with, in front of me, that I was fat. Supposedly she was a well-educated person, with a degree in psychology, but apparently, she was still a product of our culture in some way.

I'm sorry for your loss, Roy. If only people would learn to look and listen before running off at the mouth. You and your wife set the example that those others (and maybe people nearby that saw what happened) will come to recognize, understand and appreciate, in the future. My best wishes for you, dear neighbor.

"Balance" is something so many Americans have simply bypassed as a reasonable option to life.

Tamara, you are so right....my hubby plays in a band and I do a lot of people watching....there will be a beautiful girl with a little "meat" on her and a boney girl with an incredibly homely face and sometimes missing teeth....guess who gets the most attention....yep, bony girl. don't intend to be mean, just saying like it is.......

Yes, most American males have been brainwashed into desiring a skeleton in a thin skin suit.

Jon, I have never seen an internet comment I so fully agreed with. Top shelf insight.

To which I would have replied -- my hair will grow back but your face will always remain ugly.

Congrats annie on your 9+ years of survival.

When my daughter was little, I can remember a mother who smoked and had lung cancer lecture me on my ugly hair. I was a bit taken aback, and didn't reply, but lots of replies crossed my mind. There are lots of reasons why a person might not look great, and there is no reason to comment, because it might not be their fault. Congratulations on your nine years of surviving!

Congratulations on being a survivor. I am pretty certain you can contribute at least a little bit of your recovery to your fantastic attitude and forgiving nature. ((hugs))

Sorry for your loss, but the way you told that story just begged for a laugh.

Then it had the desired effect. Laugh away my friend.

Thanks! You have to be careful - some of us would be OK with people laughing if we got killed by a flying bear, and some of us get our knickers all knotted up if somebody laughs! You sound like one of the good ones on at least two counts. 1) You can laugh about it, and 2) you like Jack.

Exactly!

At least they cared enough about you to ask if you were OK.

I had the same thing happen with me! I am 5' 2" and lost 35 pounds over 11 weeks in a medically supervised weight-loss program. Toward the end of the program, a gentleman at work came up and asked, "Are you feeling better?" I said, "Thank you for asking, but I haven't been feeling ill." He was embarassed and said, "Oh, I'm sorry." Of course, having an alabaster complextion, people think I'm sick and frail already.

Good to know I'm not the only person this happened too!

Only conservatives like skinny and/or good-looking people? Hm. Interesting generalization. Also a bizarre intertwining of human nature and political ideology.

To say that someone is shallow because they complement someone who happens to be sick for losing weight presumes that the person issuing the complement actually KNOWS that the other person is sick. Which is hardly a valid assumption.

What does conservatism have to do with anything?

Our society has always been image-obsessed to some degree or another. Pick up any women's magazine or movie magazine from ANY era and you will see the prevailing acceptable body type displayed.

Look around. Conservatives are overwhelmingly obsessed with image. Why else would the House speaker wear spray-on tan? Of course, EVERY politician is obsessed with image; politics in America is just another brand of entertainment. But the analogy is valid. Image consciousness drives people to think less. And less thinking is the conservative way. It takes effort to think beyond superficiality; that's the liberal way, the one that is increasingly abandoned by big business, politics, and the new conservative social order being promulgated by the Murdochs and Kochs. What do you think Curves is? And who owns Curves? Connect the dots in an intelligent way for once.

Conservatism has to do with EVERYTHING. That's why it's pervading our social fabric, and ultimately, decaying and destroying it. That's the whole point.

Soooo, explain again why Kennedy won the election. . . Oh, yeah. It was because that was the first election with broad television coverage - so the for the first time ever in the history of American politics the presidential candidate's appearance played a significant role in his election. Need I remind you that neither Kennedy nor his supporters were conservative?

Your "whole point" is crap and really has no relevance to this discussion no matter how you try to spin it.

OK, in the interest of going along with gross generalizations, I have a question.

If only conservatives are obsessed with image, how is it that Hollywood and its entertainment industry are so liberal?

I think pbj's dots are too far apart to connect. More data is needed.

A better way to have phrased this would have been to say that conservatism promotes conformity to a single social "norm." (Liberalism, on the other hand, promotes nonconformity.) Today, the "norm" for women is a liposuctioned body, Botoxed face and dyed, Brazilian-blowout hair, and there is significant social pressure to conform to that norm. Just try getting ahead in your career or love life if you're perceived as "overweight" or "wrinkled" or "gray" or "frizzy-haired." The day it makes no difference what you look like is the day we'll have returned to a more liberal society.

Miker-

Food for thought: Two of our best presidents, Lincoln and Truman, would never have been elected today. Not photogenic enough...

Tina: Absolutely! (Although I'm not as sold on Lincoln as most people.) I'd say most of the old presidents would have been out of the running in today's So You Want to Be the President reality show environment.

LI Mom: That sounds reasonable as a theory. In application, though, there are usually good reasons for social norms. In the insurance business, they call it risk management and underwriting. Many employers won't hire people who walk in with a face full of hardware (piercings) and tattoos all over their face and neck. Most citizens wouldn't vote for such a person for president. And, there are pretty good reasons for that. There may be a fine line between self-preservation and judgment, but appearances do count.

There's a huge difference between a) deliberately choosing to pierce and tattoo yourself to stand out from the norm and b) just leaving yourself more or less as nature made you, and refusing to give in to the social pressure to undergo surgery, toxin injections and formaldehyde hair treatments (all of which are equally unsafe from a health perspective) in order to fit in with the norm.

LIM: I should have reduced my analogy to a lower level of "weirdness." Because people tend to respond - rightly or wrongly - to "good-looking" people, it could be argued that looks are actually a valid asset. An "ugly" president might not be able to persuade congress to go along with his proposals or agendae. And, weight is an inherent facet of a person's "looks." It's well-documented that tall people command more respect than short people. It's just a legacy of our DNA.

I personally thing the whole idea of "looks" making no difference is carried a bit too far - especially when that philosophy is applied to how we dress.

I have an answer for the spray-on tan at least: parts of Ohio get less sun per year than parts of Alaska. And yes, everybody, not just one political party, is image-obsessed. But, I agree on one thing: people who spend a lot on image and do nothing to help others, instead making fun of others' misery, are more likely to support a present conservative party. (I say present, because at one time conservative meant a person who supported conservation of resources, that is, the environment. This was carefully explained to me by my Republican Girl Scout leader when I was growing up in a Republican town... I have nostalgia for the attitudes of that time.)

The Republicans of the past are most likely turning over in their graves to see what the Republicans of today have become...

Get Another Doctor.

Well, a little gentle exercise might help you, if your doctor agrees. I hope that your health improves.

I noticed you said "acquaintance" and not "friend." Even so, your "acquaintance" sounds like a total ass. Either that or she's a drill sergeant.

Yeah, I love the "there are no excuses" and the "there is no medicine" reactions to an extremely life-threatening hospitalization. That's class, right there....who-hoo! (**That person deserves the KARMA that will be heaped upon their sorry rear-end***!!!!!!!!)

**Sorry this posted a 2nd time in another location but it was due to having to enter my password that it got put in the wrong place**

I'm sorry that your acquaintance was so insensitive. I hope that your lung function improves.

You call these people your friends?