The judge if forcing the man to take his wife out........what did the wife have to say about this? What if she doesn't want to go out with this man. If she wanted a date she wouldn't have filed domestic abuse charges against him. The Judge is out of control and playing with peoples lives..........it's a power trip for the Judge.

Sentencing someone to Red Lobster and Bowling will do nothing but encourage others to commit domestic violence. Bad behaviour shouldn't be rewarded!

In our state any sort of physical abuse is dealt with very harshly. Its an absolute no nonsense crime with heavy penalties and or jailtime, combined with mandatory long term anger management programs and and can easily be deemed a felony as well as counselling provided for the victims so that they know that they have options if they are in a trapped scenario. Nobody has the right to become physical with anyone else lest it is in self defense. If at a minumum he remanded them into counselling well I guess thats the minimum. A dinner date at the Red Lobster and bowling? Are you kidding me? Aside from that who the heck is the judge to say where they would go on this said date. Does he own stock at Red Lobster? I hope for the wellbeing of the citizens in that scenario and I really hope that judge isn't haunted in future by some sort of tragedy due to his decision making.

Seems like judges in Florida are about as bright as jury panels in Florida.

Where did you read "choke" it said he put his hands on her neck, there is a difference.

Shoving and choking is not MINOR

Grabbing a neck and choking are two distinct actions. And it was the wife who "claimed" that he had shoved her and grabbed her neck. And by the sounds of it, there was no physical evidence of said confrontation. If he had choked her, there would be some sort of physical trauma.

That being said, I'm not defending the guy. But I'm not also calling for him to be strung up by his scrotum for the heinous crime of "failing to wish her a happy birthday." (At which point - she started the argument - and perhaps she has a temper and has thrown things at him in the past)

But, of course, we all immediately make the assumption that in a domestic violence case the man is the oppressor and the woman is the victim.

There are a great number of cases where women have been charged with domestic violence against men Thomas Paine. Its simply a statistical issue that men are charged with the crime more often than women. Its been said that men often don't report this sort of thing when it is perpetrated by an out of control woman. They should. Women are perpetrators and murderesses as well.

The article stated the wife got mad at her husband first and then the situation escalated. Are there anger management issues on both sides?

Keeping this in mind, a possible outcome of the date could be..................The couple enjoy a sumptuous feast of Red Lobster's world famous haute cuisine and afterwards they begin a calm, romantic game of bowling.

Husband ( or wife ) bowls a 7-10 split, misses the spare pickup and they commence to kill each other with all available bowling pins and live happily ever after.

It could happen.

Speaking from experience, my ex and i got into an arguement and after she pushed me five or six times I finally pushed her back- knocking her onto a bed intentionally so that she would stop pushing me but would not be hurt. She called the cops... I get in trouble.

Kudos to this judge for seeing through the usual blinders that create the assumptions that come with a domestic violence call.

JmB66

and everybody else. 1st we were not there and did not hear all the details. 2nd it did not say he choked her and they put in the facts if there were more serious problems with the case they would have been dealt with more harshly. Look at the story for what it is, rather than having some thing where in a very short time they would have been heading for divorce court, the judge is by decree giving them a second chance to seek counceling and hopefully put this behind them. what I know of the Fla. justice system, if the judge hadn't seen something there that boy would be in the pokey right now.

Red Lobster AND bowling!?! Sounds like a blind date from hell.

I dont see the word choking in that page,Hate to have most these peole on a jury read in what ever you want

Some jurisdictions have a rule that charges HAVE to be filed when the police are called. It's possible that the wife tried to drop the charges and this was the judge's out for them.

Still, how does one place hands on a neck in a non threatening manner enough to not be considered serious?

O.K. how do you have a romantic evening at Red Lobster?? Listen to screaming babies?

BTW, if I were a woman and a judge had to order my husband to take me out and nice, my next date would be with a divorce attorney..

oh...ok, Nate...maybe that was foreplay?

I guess he was making up for the shoving part...

If we want to get technical, we could have millions of women charged with Harassment for the words they use against their spouses.

That doesn't condone anything the men do physically, but let's be honest here, we don't use the letter of the law in cases against women. We simply recognize that we can't jail everyone for every technical offense.

You can google the fact that the Federal Gov't and the States passed 40,000 new laws in 2011 alone!

Judges need to have some leeway. People get up in arms about this, but lets say he threw the book at the guy.

When he get's out of jail, probably with no job at that point - he is going back home to his wife. So that is a better solution? You think that situtation makes it LESS LIKELY that there will be problems in the future?

Ultimately, we punish any physical abuse FAR more harshly than emotional abuse. But I'm not convinced that the emotional abuse isn't the much bigger problem.

When was the last time you heard of the husband just smacking the wife for no reason? It never happens that way. There is always some emotional situtation that PRECEEDS the violence. That doesn't excuse the violence, but nothing happens in a vacuum.

Of course, with divorce as common as it is, I can't imagine why any one would stay in an abusive marriage if it is emotional or physical.

First, all judges need to think this stuff through, this wife could be the next missing wife or girlfriend. To many are getting killed by their other half, Judges just do not know how a person is going to act. We never hear of any missing husbands, except when they run off with the local hooker. Come on Judge, lets get real and think before you judge!!!

When I first (quickly) read the story I thought the sentence was punishment.

As a lawyer, I know that the woman frequently wants the charges dropped. The strange ruling is just plain foolish: the judge should have either dropped it or taken it seriously.

Thank you gtouch, that is exactly what my first thought was. What if the wife doesn't want to have anything to do with the man who just put his hands around her throat? I'm all for forgiveness but that comes from the person, not the judge.

Why did I assume this happened in Florida?

To Ryan in Texas............When was the last time you heard of the husband just smacking the wife for no reason? Are you fricking kidding? What world do you live in?

And when he gets out of jail, he's likely to go home to his wife? Not if I'm his wife. Not if he put his hand on my neck, and not if he shoved me. Most women wouldn't let his a$$ in the door.

And Ryan, you live in Texas, I have too in the past. Wifie gonna be toting a gun when his a$$ gets out. We both know that, don't we boy.

Not true, Thomas Paine-784713, my ex chocked me and it did not leave a mark. However, it scared me enough to leave him.

Red Lobster? Haven't given them any of my money for YEARS. They buy their seafood from Canada and I will boycott Canadian seafood until they quit killing the baby seals for fur.

which has exactly WHAT to do with this story??

They live in FL and the judge is ordering them to Red Lobster? That stuff is NASTY. Why not have the husband take her out for REAL Seafood.

I wondered the same thing Janine! They are living in Florida where you can get really good seafood, and he's punishing her by making her eat at Red Lobster?

SosickoftheDNC -

OK, when have you heard of domestic violence where there was no argument or other emotional conflict before it?

Every time I have heard of one (including this story), there was something emotional that happened before it.

Don't underestimate the fact that humans are emotional animals. You should know that as a Democrat. Logic neither rules the political left or in domestic disputes.

What nearly always happens is there is an argument that escalates to violence.

Even in a basic barfight, there is always something that comes before the fight.

Your assertion that men just randomly hit women is foolish.

And you really need to check out how domestic violence works. More often than not, the woman takes the man back. They simply use the police as a way to make up for their inferior physical condition in the fight. It's just violence vs. violence. The police show up with billy clubs and guns, and they are ready to use violence to get THEIR way.

It's can be much like taunting a gorilla when he is behind a cage at the zoo.

Which is why most domestic violence calls to police are repeat offenders. You can't kick the dog one day and then want to pet it the next, but that is exactly how these relationships go (with both sides being the victim and agressor, although not always physical role reversal).

My advise is to get out of these relationships early, before you get married or have kids.

Otherwise, it seems to become a repeating cycle - trading emotional abuse for physical abuse - and no one wins that.

Ryan, why is it that you assume that the aggressor (the physical aggressor) was the victim in the argument? Arguments are two sided by definition. In any case, no verbal altercation is ever an excuse for someone to physically attack someone else, especially when they're attacking someone weaker than they are. Any man who believes otherwise is a man who's willing to hit/hurt someone they supposedly love, whether it be a wife or child.

Husband ( or wife ) bowls a 7-10 split, misses the spare pickup and they commence to kill each other with all available bowling pins and live happily ever after.

I would imagine bowling balls would be used instead. The pins are a much better tool for the job than bowling balls due to their shape and conveniently lower weight. However, getting them would generally require walking down the "alley of shame" and then doing battle with the pin setting machine - although maybe if one is drunk enough that journey may seem somehow sensible (the story didn't make it clear if he has to buy pitchers of beer at Red Lobster and/or the Bowlrama).

Maybe I read a different story...I see a judge wading thru the bullsh!t of some weak as$ charges. He said, in my opinion, you two need to work our your issues, not call the cops. Go out to dinner and go bowling. Enjoy each other. Go talk to a counselor. He more than likely came to the conclusion due to the testimony of the husband and the wife. Maybe, just maybe, she told him she called the cops to be a mean beyotch.

Please, you knee-jerk reactionaries, stop with the drama. "She's the next person to disappear!" If the judge thought this, he wouldn't have sent them home together.

Not all the story is being told, as usual. What did SHE do to provoke this aggression? Did she go berserk because he forgot her birthday? Maybe he was having a really bad day and it slipped his mind. I've done this and I know I'm not alone on this.

I have never hit a woman but I was damn sure tempted several times. Have shoved a few when they get in my face screaming. Most of you gals know just how to push a man's button to get him to react. Could be this is the reason for this funky sentence. Seems to me that she has some blame to share here.

Krista - there is no one way these things go down. But there is always something that precedes the violence.

And there is such a thing as passive aggresive, to further complicate it.

The whole thing is outside the bounds of logic anyway, so we can't really rationally understand why people are attracted to people that abuse them.

Pardon me if I spoke in generalities. It's newsvine, not a dissertation, so I just go for the most common situations.

And like I mentioned, our society punishes physical abuse FAR, FAR more than mental abuse.

But if anyone is being abused, talk to a friend about it, or call an anonymous phone hotline. If you can work it out, that is great. If not, there are 150,000,000 people of the opposite sex in the US alone. You can find someone else.

As for those that are committing violence or are abusive: ask yourself what you think you are going to achieve. Hurting others around you will never help you. And one day you will have pushed away everyone, including those you think you can control. Then you will end up alone - lonely and unhappy.

( And if you were the child of an abusive family, or find yourself in repeated abusive relationships - it's not your fault, but you have to heal your own soul. There is counseling available, and there are support groups that are free. You should never be ashamed about anything that was beyond your control. There is only one person in life we have to make happy, and thankfully over time we can learn to control that one person - ourselves.)

Red Lobster? Bowling? I'd rather have the jail sentence.

The judge is an ass. Shoving and choking is not MINOR, and let's hope that she's not the next missing person or murder that we read about in the news. The judge's nonchalant attitude towards this situation is frightening.

Oh please do shut up. Have you never got into a fight with your partner? I'm sorry but it happens. The difference is the severity. reality people, put two people in the same room. You will get on thier nerves eventually. It's not perminant and it happens. If the judge found it to be minor, it's because there was a two way street. Nothing was printed here about what the wife had done. So we don't even have the whole story. The judge does. And he saw it as a petty squabble, and that both parties were stupid. That is a far far cry from total abuse and death. That is blown way the hell out of proportion. And if you scream abuse for something like that, man you are going to have a rough relationship. People squabble, they push and shove, they scream and yell. It's reality. How you handle it is what matters.

Here are some stats on domestic violence that you may want to look at.

http://www.dvmen.org/dv-135.htm

Defiant1:

Oh please do shut up. Have you never got into a fight with your partner?

Why should I shut up? So that you can feel like you won in some way? Maybe this works for you on your "partner", but not for people in the real world.

People squabble, they push and shove, they scream and yell. It's reality.

Perhaps it is reality in your world, but not mine. It is the reality of the criminal world. I conduct myself like a civilized human being, as does my husband. Pushing, shoving, and screaming is the reaction of an out of control animal with aggression issues, and I dare you to make that statement to the judge when you appear before him/her.

Wow, sad to know that there are people who actually think pushing, shoving, screaming, and yelling are normal ways to behave in a relationship. Those are NOT part of everyone's reality, Defiant, and I hope someday they're not part of yours. Changing your user name might be a start.

"Pushing, shoving, and screaming is the reaction of an out of control animal with aggression issues"

JmB66 - So are you saying that everybody who acts like an animal is solely to blame? Look around you. People grow up with parents who do that, every day. I did. Even my closest friend did. As a result, the world doesn't look as bright as it does for most people. I try to be nice but I have gotten very angry before. I have taken anger management classes before, but they didn't help. It is just impossible to be so civilized and perfect when half of your life you went through screaming and beatings. So you call people like us "animals" because we aren't as civilized as you. I take disagreement with that; We are NOT animals. And you talk like it's all our fault that we're like this. Just because you maybe weren't raised with screaming parents who beat you all the time, doesnt mean other people weren't. Don't be so quick to judge.

JMB66... So, what you are saying is that the Occupy movement is made up of out of control animals with aggression issues?

This is what I see them doing when they clash with police...

When I read the story, I imagined it (yes, that's what we are ALL doing on here) going down something like this.

There was an argument. She was too close, and wouldn't back up. He pushed her away from him. She bumped into the couch. Wasn't a hard shove, but he needed his space. I imagine at some point, his hand was on the back of her neck... not the front. Otherwise, how could you do that without choking, or threatening to choke.

She freaked out, and called the cops. He probably (and rightfully so) felt horrible about it afterwards.

The judge listened to the stories about what happened. Decided that counseling and a nice romantic dinner to make up for the forgetting her birthday would serve the couple (and society) better than jail.

Yes, domestic abuse is a serious issue, and should not be taken lightly. That doesn't mean that at the first sign of aggression we send the aggressor (which was likely both parties in this case since the argument started because he failed to wish her happy birthday) to prison for life so that they cannot re offend... That would serve no one.

This can turn a couple who could become an abusive couple into a better couple. No one goes to jail. No one gets physically hurt. Society wins. The couple wins.

For those who have a bee in their bonnet regarding domestic violence... yes, those cases are very serious, but this is not one of those cases (From what we've been told).

**But, of course, we all immediately make the assumption that in a domestic violence case the man is the oppressor and the woman is the victim.**

justathought-3975046

There are a great number of cases where women have been charged with domestic violence against men Thomas Paine

I am well aware of that fact. I apologize for not ending that sentence with the {/sarc} command. But inevitably, the preponderance of people when hearing about a domestic violence case will immediately consider him to be an "abusive husband" and her a "battered woman" even if she's attacking him with his 3 iron as he's trying to drive his SUV away. (The Tiger reference is being meant a bit tongue-in-cheek)

We're a little tougher in Maine. I read in the paper today that a guy was arrested for flipping-off his wife when he drove past her in town. Seems that the bird violated the protection order she had against him.

Judge was the trier of fact, and the grabbing and choking were *allegations*. You know, just saying something doesn't make it so, and apparently he didn't believe the allegation that there was actually a grabbing and choking.

As pointed out here, the story is lacking in almost all facts except for the ruling. One thing you gotta admit, this is one gutsy judge who is thinking "outside the box." There is definitely a lot of that missing these days. Anyone who has ever been to law school can recall reading all the great decisions that judges have written over the years. A lot of them from quite a while ago. Maybe we need more lightness in the stuffy legal system.

As for those concerned about the message here, I wouldn't be. If the woman is concerned for her safety she can deal with that without the assistance of the judge. I suspect they were back together long before the guy showed up in front of the judge, which will help explain the judge's ruling. The message is "hey turkey, you want to stay married and you want it to be a happy one, then grow up and start acting like a real man and treat your woman right!"

justathought-3975046 you may be right about female spousal abuse being under reported, but there are many in both categories not being reported. We can probably be certain that most abuses resulting in death ARE reported, but it's still a fact that men do murder more than women. Just as bad is verbal abuse, which is neither against the law nor discouraged by society.

I wonder if society denounced aggression that would change things in a few generations?

Hey, come on.

Maybe the Judge's position on domestic violence is like women's groups on abortion:

He's against it, but it should be legal.

(Sounds moronic doesn't it? And yet people get away with saying : "I'm against abortion, but it should be legal". It's such a crazy thing that now I use it in every situation. When there is a story about insider trading: same thing. I'm against insider trading, but it should be legal.)

Still, it's interesting to hear the women's libbers say shoving a woman should bring jail time- even if she wasn't hurt, but killing an unborn child is a right. Kinda puts their argument into perspective.

except that most women are for abortion rights. We know that it is a heart breaking, but necessary choice

dear LORD! its just gotta be EVERY SINGLE ARGUEMENT that leads to your favorite topic of abortion!

what on earth does abortion have to do with ANY PART of this story?

cant you save the axe to grind for a time when its.. oh,i dont know.. even remotely relevant?

Rita, I guess I'm not one of those "MOST" women who are for abortion. I see your point completely Ryan. I don't get the logic at all.

But abortion isn't the topic here..so.

Good for you. Has your wife ever done that to you? Because according to statistics, not normally advertised due to them not being PC, domestic violence is nearly 50/50 female to male, male to female. If she hasn't then great...everyone should be like you.

That's a real stretch... there's a huge difference between this and the Powell case.

I agree supergrit and Nancy. a minor shove or any sort of aggressive unwelcome touching is generally a sign that something more is going on....verbal abuse is illegal in our state and it should be. For both males and females. Nobody, man, woman or child should have to endure even the remotest form of any sort of abuse. I certainly know several people who have endured it without reporting it. The toll it takes on the victim is immeasurable.

justathought ~~ I'm sure if anyone shoved the judge and grabbed his throat (or any of his friends or relatives), that they'd be tossed into jail so fast it would make your head spin. And for the judge to consider this offence 'very, very' low, is down right scary! Today he shoves her, grabs her by the throat, tomorrow he realizes that didn't put enoughfear in her, and so he escalates his actions by hitting her, punching her, or actually choking her. GEEEEEZZZZ. Hummm I wonder what the judge would do then?

The judge is clearly out of touch with reality, especially since he ordered the man to take his wife on a 'date' to Red Lobster ~ and ~Bowling? YUCK! But apparently it's what she wanted. Whatever.... What a joke, and a waste of the taxpayers money. The abusive husband (and probably the wife too) needs to do some community service. Maybe that would humble both, and cause them to look at life a bit differently.

Pent up anger, Nancy?

Funny how everyone here has read the court transcripts to get a clear sense as to why the judge ruled the way he did. Maybe it came out that there really wasn't any violence but only a pissed off, neglected wife. Hard to say unless you know what really happened in that court room. The physical abuse was alleged in the arrest affidavit but since she was not locked up for a false report, there must have been something that happened. Maybe she came at him first and he was just trying to subdue her. I don't know because I did not read the court transcripts and I was not there, so I don't know if this was a smart move by the judge or not.

Nancy4366,

I refute your statement that a push is ALWAYS the tip of the iceberg. Thirty years ago I pushed my wife in to a wall during an arguement and then went for a walk. We have now been married 31 years and have never had another violent arguement. Now a friend of mine went for counseling with his wife and she pushed his wheelchair into the street on the way home.

@Nancy, so if a woman gets so mad she throws something and breaks it, is that the same thing? What about if he cheats on you and you slap him? Is that just the tip of the ice berg? You can't paint every situation with such a wide brush. If your logic was used for every case, it would result in a lot of women going to jail for domestic assault. Point being, lots of women hit men because they are women and the thought pattern is "who's going to arrest me for hitting a bigger, stronger man?" They can get away with it. And what man is going to call the cops? Women, on the other hand, use 9-1-1 as a weapon.

I've googled verbal abuse to search whether it is legal or illegal. Except for verbal abuse of the elderly, in nursing homes, under certain circumstances, I've found no evidence the verbal abuse is illegal any where in the USA. So, I am not sure where justathought is getting their information from.

Well Antoine in MD you just didnt google quite enough it does not have to be tolerated in a domestic situation in the state of California...There are legal remedies within the state of California that provide protection for those at risk for that often overlooked form of abuse in domestic situations and there are a number of steps one can take to put a stop to it. Restraining orders can be filed in such situations. Which then would open the door for further investigation if need be. Verbal and emotional abuse is based on power and control and arent well tolerated when brought into the legal environment if necessary.

If he is really an abusive husband would she have picked a fight with him for not wishing her a happy birthday... I seriously doubt it.

Like this has just started PLEASE

He put his hand on her neck (which generally means side or back of the neck, not the throat, which is generally referred to as.... throat).

She called the cops because he pushed her, she hit a couch, and he put his hand on her neck.

The judge listened to the whole story and determined that while the altercation was unacceptable, the couple and society would be better served if the couple was in counseling to better deal with these issues, instead of putting the man in jail, and hurting the couple, and society.

The issue was relatively minor,and the woman called the police, which means that she isn't an abused spouse (What kind of abused spouse starts a fight over anything and then calls the police over something minor that doesn't leave marks?).

Domestic violence is serious. However, this was likely a very minor misunderstood incident (which the media is wording to get us to read and post comments on) that would be better handled outside the justice system.

Where did you read "choking?" It said he had his hand on her neck, that is not the same as choking.

Nate in Houston ~~ Hand on neck=choking in the 'HOW TO BE AN ABUSER' book. It's listed in the very first chapter (insert sarcasm here). I'm surprised you haven't read it.

I'm sure the judge (as well as the article itself) uses such benign terms, as a means to minimize the entire episode. After all, the judge declared it a 'very, very' minor offense (more sarcasm).

Have hate issues to deal with,Reni?

truthman-682989 ~~No truthman, I do not have hate issues. But I do have issues with people who minimize incidents where people are physically accosted, with the propensity to really get hurt, and I don't mean just the victim. Abusers can make one single bad choice, and it ruins their lives, robs them of freedom, and makes them an outcast in their families, and with their children. They need to get help, get counseling, and start making better choices in their lives. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.

To minimize such actions is ignorance, and for those who like to minimize such, it leaves me wondering if they themselves aren't abusive, and trying to make light of their own abusive behavior, hence setting themselves free of any responsibility or accountability.

have you thought of the fact MAYBE the judge had a reason to think she was lying or exaggerating the situation to make it look like it was his fault. And MAYBE the guy was the one getting abused but did not press charges. Think about it who is more likely to flip out over the missed birthday. and what wife is going to start a fight with an abusive husband.

@sickoflies-2163796 It could have been the first offense. That doesn't mean it should be treated lightly just because this was the first time.

@Reni hand on neck = choking in the "How to paint every incident as Domestic violence" handbook.

Seriously, putting your hand on the back or sides of a woman's neck isn't choking. Since the word neck was used, instead of throat or choking.. your decision that choking was involved tells us much more about you than it does this case.

Likewise if my girl was ordered to go out with me. I would feel like a loser the whole time. Though of course, if I had put my hands on her neck I would deserve to.

Sophia, I am just curious as to why you would not go? I am not being condenscending, it just strikes me as odd that you would not go out with your husband.

think about it, myspellcheck...would you want your husband or wife forced to take you out? I wouldn't, and I certainly wouldn't want that after trying to hurt me...and yes, shoving me would be an obvious slue to wanting to hurt me.

My ex-husband was an abuser, not only to me, but to my child while he was growing up. That's why he's an EXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.

It is NEVER ok for any man, woman or child to shove or put their hands on ANYONES neck. If you met a stranger on the street and they did that to you, you'd call 911. If your neighbor did this to one of your children, or your wife, or to you, I'm sure you'd call 911, and FAST. For the most part, violence starts out in seemingly minimal acts, but can shortly escalate to greater acts.

Hey Ryan from Texas, read what Reni has to say. She's got the right idea. It is NEVER okay for a man to put his hands on ANYONE'S neck.

But you think it's okay, right? You don't like it, but you think it should be legalized? By the way, what does your ex-wife think of you Ryan?

@bluepanther... shoving you would likely being an obvious clue as to wanting you out of his personal space. The wife felt comfortable starting an argument, and felt safe enough to call 911 after he pushed her.

@Reni & @SoSickoftheGop

No, pushing and putting his hand on her neck is never acceptable. It's not acceptable now. That doesn't mean it is best dealt with by putting the man in prison. Reni, your previous abuse prejudices you against these kinds of issuse (which is obvious by your hands on neck = choking statement earlier). For minor issues where the wife is too close and won't back up in the argument and he tried to push her back to have her space, but pushed too hard. They both would need counseling, but there was no intention to hurt involved. If that's the case (which I suspect it was from the wife's actions.... starting the argument and calling 911... not an abused spouse there), then this is the best result for the couple and society.

innocent people get prosecuted all the time, we do not know enough from this article to judge this man.

Sick, Finally an intelligent voice in all this male bashing. You are sooo right! We weren't there when it happened and we weren't there in court to hear what came out. Could the wife have possibly been swinging at the husband and he held her back by pushing against her neck? I could see that as possible. We just don't know and the reporter didn't bother to give us any more info because it wouldn't be sensationalism if we really knew that there was no big deal as the judge said. Another case of poor reporting by MSNBC.

So your logic is to not put him in jail because it would make him mad? Wouldn't jail make most people mad? You're going to be one heck of a parent, Sir Andrew; "I'd put them in timeout, but they'll just get upset." You'll soon learn that your kids won't learn a darn thing. Dinner at Red Lobster and a night bowling aren't punishment for this guy unless he has bunions and a seafood allergy.

A marriage counselor generally counsels a couple (as opposed to personal counseling). What else don't you know about marriage? And the "issues" of an abused spouse usually include not being able to call the police when they need to, not sending the abuser to jail, and remaining silent about the whole thing. I'm appalled by this ruling.

Do think this is no big deal because maybe you've had a no big deal moment yourself? Well it is a big deal. It's the red flag that women need to pay attention to because these moments escalate. We don't even know if it's a first time ordeal or maybe the last straw. The Judge should take these incidents more seriously. Pray it doesn't lead to something fatal.

Seriously Sir Andrew? What exactly do you know about domestic violence? As somone who has had close experience with it, all it takes is a shove and a grab to escalate to something more. I suggest you do some more research before you go spouting off about the "issues" involved in a domestic violence situation.

Thank you for your replies. I just saw them right now.

I am not advocating or excusing any type of domestic violence behavior. With the offense that is involved however, it is best that both (either as a group and individually) seek a counselor. The problem with DV is that the violence that one exhibits is part of a life-long set of issues that have developed before the relationship even started. Being complicit to such behavior is also a learned trait that develops before the relationship, too. I should know, since yes, I was once in the woman's shoes for a short period of time, when I was younger. But, I would never allow myself to be put in that same situation ever again.

And yes, if the behavior does not change, that is why we have jails. But, addressing some of the comments that include "the Judge will regret it if he decides to kill her next", will not be solved if he is merely sent to prison for a very short stint. A counselor has a higher change of changing this individual's behavior, and more importantly, helping the woman get out of this abusive relationship.

As far as child discipline, that is another subject.

Dear Judge,

I'm a visiting nurse for home healthcare. I've seen what happens when a seemingly innocent gesture of holding a person's neck can lead to. As evidence, a couple I worked for got into an argument. The man in the household grabbed his fiance by the neck. It was reported, but they continued to live together even after a short jail sentence. His fiance is now in a nursing home recouperating from a broken hip caused by her abuser. It continues to be a problem, as he calls her up yelling at her that she caused the problem in the first place. I would never dream of holding anyone by the neck unless my life was threatened.

Theresa from Madison ~~ You are OH SO CORRECT! The abuser ALWAYS blames the victim. My ex used to tell me that I MADE HIM treat me badly. Geeeeezzz, I didnt' know I had that much POWER, as to MAKE him do violent things. AMAZING!

The abuser is a loser, and needs psychological help. The one who is being abused needs to GET AWAY, AND FAST. Get a plan, get some psychological support, get a safe physical place to stay. STOP doing what you're doing if it doesn't work. It's crazy to keep doing the same thing, hoping for a different result. DANGER WILL ROBINSON........

I THOUGHT SO,Reni! (see post #5.3)

I've been "grabbed" by the neck. There's no way it can be done without putting force on a windpipe... that's being choked. If you can't comprehed that, then apparently it's never happened to you.

Easy. Once I posted a story I knew about a girl who reported workplace sexual harrasement. The guy put his arm around her butt at an office evening out at a local pub - a week after she went out on a date and had sex with him (she told everybody about it so it is not like to was a shock for the co-workers to see this).

So, by the third response to my OP the lynch-hungry mob somehow turned it into "rape" and "sexual violence" even though neither one was stated in my OP.

The mob is angry, paranoid and hysterical. And of course knows better than the judge.

Have you ever been grabbed by the back of the neck? Maybe I'm physically deformed but my windpipe isn't back there...

And I generally call the front of my neck, my throat...

My neck is my neck, whether it's by the nap (back) of the neck, or by the front of the neck. Either way, it's the NECK, and it was intended to 'put the woman in her place', or to 'stop the woman', or to 'show the woman the error of her way' or to 'instill fear', to make the woman 'mind'. No matter how you look at it, it's an ACT OF VIOLENCE!

@Reni: I think YOUR ATTITUDE is an act of violence. Take a "chill pill"!

@truthman You're just making yourself sound like an abuser or an abuser wanna be. You're trying to make things out to be not very serious in your own mind. I really hope that's not because you do these things or know someone who does and are trying to excuse the actions.

Reni, It could have been an act of self-defense on the part of the husband. I've pushed someone off of me before and it's very easy to slip and push against the neck especially if you are pushing with one hand while trying to protect yourself with the other. We don't know what really happened because we weren't there so quit trying to lynch the husband and the judge without any facts. At best the husband is just a forgetful jerk but we don't know that either. You let this reporter rile you up which is probably what he was aiming for and you fell for it.

Rhea, Do you know for a fact that the husband wasn't just trying to defend himself from an angry wife who was battering him? If you do, please post that information so we all can see it. The lazy reporter didn't seem to think it was important enough to give us any details from the courtroom.

That won't stop everyone from offering their unfounded opinions. It is my guess that she never claimed she was choked because I don't know of any judge that would think choking someone is a minor offense.

It sounds like to me the guy pushed her down onto the couch and probably had a hand at her neck when he did it. It doesn't say anywhere in the arrest affidavit that she was choked.

The flowers, Red Lobster, and bowling are a bit unconventional I agree, but the couple was also ordered to see a marriage counselor, which hopefully will help them work out their obvious communication issues.

angabange.. if the man could shove the lady and grab her throat, he could walk to the door and turn the doorknob, then leave. No other facts needed. No man or woman should physically or mentally abuse their partner. Fact.

I think this ruling was a refreshing display of creativity on the judge's part. I like it his out-of-the-box thinking.

Without being in that courtroom and being privy to the first-hand dynamics of the couple, outsiders are not equipped to pass accurate judgment. I'm sure the judge would not subject a scared, battered wife to more time with her abuser. I kind of get the impression that this woman was a self-absorbed princess, for some reason....she picked the fight, and probably badgered him into getting angry/defensive. His actions, while not excusable, are hardly surprising if that was the case.

Seems most people don't have a clue about the anatomy of the neck and throat, or the difference between a strangle and a choke. So let me drop a little knowledge on you. Your throat is a part of your neck, but NOT the neck in general. You CAN grab a person by the neck without strangling or choking the person. It's used in martial arts as a means of non damaging control; though typically in a martial arts scenario it's paired with an arm lock of some sort for additional control. A choke, is when the windpipe of a person is cut off. A strangle is when the major vein and/or artery is closed off preventing proper blood flow. The article says he grabbed her neck, I'm inclined to believe he shoved her onto her stomach and held her by the back of the neck, rather than the front. Otherwise, it would've been considered a strangle or choke, and not just a grabbing. I won't comment on the judge's ruling, because time will be the judge as to whether his ruling was the correct one. But seriously folks, don't just jump to conclusions until you're equipped with the proper knowledge of the situation.

Thank you, BBoy! Finally, someone without the "lynch mob" mentality!(Just the FACTS ma'am!)

Lol! I agree.

Smart Judge,

That's the only Red Lobster in Florida with a drive thru window.

Lol. Frank, that was hilarious

It's OK,Stacy... Go back to your talk show viewing...

Stacy Krall ~~ I think truthman is a bit intimidated and hugely ill-informed, as he seems to mock the posts that probably most describe his own behavior, while minimizing any potential harm/danger that exists when either men or women shove, push, hit, punch, grab or otherwise physically assault their mate.

Truthman, interestingly enough, I do not watch talk shows. It is from education and my profession that I have that knowledge. You should maybe invest in some education yourself to become more aware on these issues.

Reni, you are probably accurate on your statements.

Stacy, you're right. And actually, traditional marriage counselling is NOT recommended for couples in which domestic violence is an issue--it's too easy for the abuser to take what the victim says in therapy and use it against her. My ex husband did that. Reni, there are a couple of weird ones on this thread, seeming like they want to be 'outed'. I'm thankful that there are lots of decent men writing, too.

Thank you for the voice of reason! I think the reporter just wanted to rile people up with this story so he left out a lot of important details. This lynch mob is ready to string up the judge and the husband all thanks to some idiot reporter.

I don't think so, in this case. I don't think the reporter left stuff out on purpose. I called the judge's chambers and talked to his clerk for a long time. If you want to call, it's 954-831-7615.

Ingrid, The reporter left stuff out because he didn't do his job if he didn't leave stuff out on purpose. We all cannot go calling the judge wasting his time so why don't you present what you learned? I know it's hearsay but it would still be of interest to the discussion.

You don't get the judge himself; you get his clerk, and she was very willing to hear what I said. She won't mind your call; at least, so far she's OK with the calls she's been getting. My main purpose in calling was not to get information, but to give my perspective, as someone whose ex-husband had put his hands around my throat. The clerk said that there was one part of what I'd said that might be something the judge hadn't taken into account, and she said she was going to tell him. I WANT people to call the judge--that's how this country works--the voice of the people gets heard, and it can make a difference. I called because this is a very important topic, and I want this story to go viral, so I tried to do my part. I hope you will do yours, too.

The reason is that we have left the age of civility and entered into an age of hostility. People, especially young people have developed an overblown sense of entitlement and an over sized ego. This stems from their own shame and guilt and manifests as a harsh unforgiving and generally negative toward every little thing. The thing to remember is that angry people are so because they are frightened and in pain - it has nothing to do with you. You should try to not fall into the ego trap and feel pity for them rather than contempt.

Good call judge? I suppose that if the husband had slapped and kicked his wife the judge would have ordered the man to get her a tennis bracelet and dinner at the Olive Garden!

Flowers and a date? This man was probably going to do that anyway. That is what happens to start the spiral again. A judge ruling on something this dangerous on which he refuses to educate himself should be removed from the bench immediately. It is outrageous that he would trivialize any act of violence. Women, Please, since we have no protection, get away!!!!! The violence WILL escalate.

@Rita,Kennewick,Wa; We don't know enough about the situation to call it a good or bad call. The woman could have had a history of violence battery against other people, and lets not forget it's his word against her's. So the whole acquisition she made may not be supported by any evidence at all. it could be just an angry woman mad at her husband for being pigheaded, in which case being treated as a domestic abuser wouldn't help him or society. it would just put another man behind bars for something he didn't do.

No, I'm sure Rita is right. Once you've been in an abusive relationship, it's very easy to spot the signs. Whether Rita has or has not, I have, and in this story, even with the little we know, you can see the abuse pattern. His abuse of her will just get worse. The judge made a big mistake, and now the woman will be less likely to seek out help, because of this experience.

It's not his word against hers, either. For one thing, apparently he didn't deny having done what he's accused of. But even if he had denied it, law enforcement folks are generally pretty good at knowing about abuse. Men make up the great majority of abusive people--it's not an opinion; it's a statistic, and cops know it. Even if a woman hits, it's very rare that she's trying to control her partner. This judge needs to clue in.

Here you go, Ingrid. These are the statistics that you need to see. First, women are far more likely to hit a man than a man is to hit a woman. Second, women tend to be more violent than men and are more likely to use weapons. Read the stats and then get back to us.

http://www.dvmen.org/dv-135.htm